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My First Counselling Experience

Ella writes first-hand about her first counselling experience and the benefits she has encountered.

-Ella Garrett

Ever had someone read you like a book? One that is ‘well-thumbed’, loved and read over and over until you almost know it off by heart? That is pretty much how I felt after my first counselling session last week.

I was nervous. I had no idea what to expect; if I was going to be thought of as ‘well enough’ to not require a chat with a professional and whether I would find opening up to a stranger easy. These concerns weren’t massively far off. One of the first questions I was asked was whether I was “successful” last year. This threw me. I have seen many people who are academically successful suffer mentally – I would go so far to even suggest that sometimes the more academically successful you are, the more you are likely to have a mental health problem.

After this hurdle I was increasingly nervous about what was to come. This first meeting was an initial assessment, so it ultimately resulted in me providing her with a summary, rather than a synopsis, of my life. She provided brief interjections, pressed me for more information on difficult topics to discuss and went down the typical ‘counsellor’ type routes of questioning. Did my parents neglect me too much or love me too much? Did I have a strong support network? What did I want from counselling? I had no hobbies, so had I tried yoga?

Although I was slightly unimpressed with my lack of epiphany over the usual assessment questions, the session seemed to simultaneously provide clarity as well as completely scrambling my brain on things that I have held close to me my whole life. Where I had considered myself a ‘closed book’, hard to read, and mysterious about how I felt; this woman stomped all over that belief and summarised me very easily. Well, so much for that Bond style mystery! For starters, she immediately realised that I struggled with developing a balance in life, on many aspects, something that I had never connected myself. What previously had felt like doing a dot-to-dot without any knowledge of numbers soon linked up into creating a clear picture – not the best analogy but you get my drift.

After the session, and being booked in for another in 2 weeks’ time, I could only describe the scenario as very sobering. Things that I have never discussed with the closest of friends and family, due to either lack of trust or fear of judgement, were freely discussed in a 35-minute discussion. I felt like I basically gave up my whole personality to assessment in such a short time, which is what felt weird. It is undeniable that she made me feel better about certain things. She confirmed that parts of my life, past and present, were not how they should be, and that I wasn’t wrong or troubled for feeling a certain way. But just the concept of someone knowing everything about me is kind of terrifying.

I think it is definitely very easy to disregard counselling, turn to medication or ignore a problem and allow it to continue to be detrimental to your wellbeing. Medication was not effective for me and letting something gnaw away very quickly became too much. I know of friends who are scared to speak to someone, maybe the fears of trust and judgement that I mentioned fuels this for others too, but it’s just not the case. I already feel like I will make real progress here. I would recommend counselling to anyone who needs to talk openly about what’s going on in their mind.

If you or somebody you know is struggling with mental health at University, check out the Student Minds page on finding support for further information here.

Hi, I'm Ella. I'm currently in my third year at the University of York where I am studying English Literature and Philosophy. In my first year, I was diagnosed with Atypical Depression and have made it a personal mission ever since to encourage discussion and raise awareness around the subject - leading to my desire to write for Student Minds!

Am I stressed or is this just part of my personality now?

in: Anxiety Counselling Exams mental health Stress stress awareness week Therapy university

Elise writes about managing the stress that university life brings for stress-awareness week

- Elise Jackson

University is majorly stressful, I doubt anyone’s disputing that. Exams, deadlines, social pressures: one is enough to make your stomach turn, let alone all at once. But yay, that’s what uni is! You gotta take it in your stride, right?

Well, yes, actually. Kind of.

Hear me out here because I know it’s not the most comforting thing. Suck it up and get on with it? Seems a pretty regressive way of managing your problems. However, stress is different to the problems that probably led you here. Acute stress and chronic stress are completely different, biologically and functionally. Acute stress is the kind you feel when your boss yells at you or when you talk to a crush. This stress is triggered by one of two neurological pathways, leading to the ‘fight or flight’ response. The sympathomedullary pathway (I know right) triggers those familiar bodily responses by releasing adrenaline and noradrenaline: your heart rate increases to get blood pumping to your muscles (so you can run away); you sweat (so you’re slippery to predators); and you need to throw-up/pee (to expel water-weight so you can run quicker). However, these are short-lived. Once the stressor disappears – or more accurately, you’ve reached safety – so do the symptoms. Your parasympathetic nervous system kicks in and renormalises everything. This is, in a weird roundabout way, the ‘nice’ kind of stress.

Kiecolt-Glazer’s (1984) studies with medical students show that, whilst the symptoms seem unending, their stress often proved to be a kind of prolonged acute stress that disappeared after exams. So, what does this mean? Well, with university, deadlines are always around the corner. Depending on your subject, you might feel like you’re being constantly assessed. And, to an extent, this is true (and unavoidable). University is intentionally challenging. Whilst stress sucks, adrenaline can be useful: it keeps you alert and buzzing so you can get more done – like an internal coffee machine. It’s a physiological reaction, so, it’s best utilised to your advantage. Top tip for when stress does disappear: cortisol, the hormone that levels you back out after a stressful experience, is an immunosuppressant, so you may get ill. Like my advice with most things mental health – remember to look after your body!

But, what if stress doesn’t go away? Chronic stress is slightly more troublesome. Whilst acute stress can last for a long time, it disappears once the situation stabilises. Chronic stress can last months, even years, detrimentally affecting health. Studies show heightened coronary heart disease, chronic headaches, and mental illness in chronically-stressed individuals. A good way to identify potential chronic stress: think about your last submission of a big assignment. Did you feel relieved? Were you calmer or did that dread feeling not budge? Don’t worry if it didn’t, as there are ways to manage this. There’s the usual, exercise (swimming has been proven particularly effective as it helps to regulate breathing without being too intense) and eating well. Peppermint tea is great for an uneasy stomach; chamomile tells your brain to calm down; and I don’t know what’s in Pukka’s Night Time tea but it legitimately knocks me out every time! Mindfulness is essential – start with yoga or guided meditation sessions.

However, if you think you’re chronically stressed, please seek help. It may seem like some people are never stressed, but I promise, no student is a stranger to it. Personality differences often manifest in stress-management skills; but, talking to friends can help you to feel less alone and overwhelmed and may even give you new perspectives. You can explore professional avenues: hardiness training and stress-inoculation treatments - forms of cognitive behavioural therapy - prove effective with chronic sufferers. Most universities, alongside Student Minds, run workshops on managing stress-induced symptoms. Importantly, remember: this isn’t forever. I know I’m guilty of falling into the ‘Am I stressed or is this just part of my personality now?’ trap. You aren’t your stress; it isn’t inherent to you. Combining healthy living, mindfulness, and a good community will help you feel better eventually, if not right now.

Oh, and chocolate releases dopamine, the happy drug. So, eat chocolate!

Hello! I'm Elise. I'm currently in my final year studying English Language and Literature at the University of Nottingham. My writings for Student Minds will range from pieces about depression and DPD to coping with loss, bereavement and change during your studies - all the while remaining mindful and getting the most out of university life. Thanks for reading!

How to: Navigate Uni with a Dissociative Disorder

in: Anxiety Bereavement Counselling Depression Dissociative Disorder Family and Friends First Year (Freshers) Holidays mental health Recovery university

Recognising mental illness at university can be hard. Especially, as with dissociative disorders, they aren't talked about very often.

-Elise Jackson

University is undoubtedly amazing. However, getting through the first year can be a challenge for many. Moving away from everything that is familiar, meeting a diverse array of completely new people and having to adapt to an entirely new way of learning is not easy, to say the least. For me, the summer before I started university was the hardest of my life. I lost a lot. My mum had moved half way across the country, my family sold the only home I’d ever known and my friends, destined for universities up and down the country, had to say goodbye. This summer of loss was made only more difficult, by a previous, truly world shattering, loss that occurred during my A-level exams. Four days before my 18th birthday, I lost my big brother to SUDEP (Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy). It was one week before his 22nd birthday. We came to terms with it somehow but grieving whilst simultaneously moving house, sitting A-level exams and leaving home for the first time to embark on my new student life, unsurprisingly, proved difficult.

I struggled. Within two days of being at university, my parents had phoned the university to help me get some support. I was in the counseling service before the end of Freshers. The counselors were brilliant, very understanding, informed, and acted immediately. Thankfully, when I had settled in, things got better fast. My entire block of fellow first years was super sociable. We spent a lot of time living as one huge flat. I was also lucky enough to have one of my best friends from home living two blocks down. Between my block and his flat, housing for second year was sorted by mid-November. Things were going well so I stopped going to counseling.

But.

The thing about mental health is that it can fluctuate, it's somewhat unpredictable. Around February time I had to return my mum's new home in Norfolk for a few days because I felt... wrong. At the time, I thought it was exhaustion and decided a few days at home would solve it. And it did, for a little while. These short periods of what I can only describe as fogginess came to every couple of months but always passed within a week or so. Exams came and went and summer returned.

During summer, I’m often between places. I usually choose to spend most of the holiday period in Sussex as it is where the majority of my friends are. It also means I can be close to my dad’s family. Reflecting on that first summer of University, I think I must have felt it coming to some extent but not really acknowledged it. I went to stay in Norfolk and something hit me like a tidal wave. This time, I was forced to realize that something was going on in my brain that couldn’t be simply solved by a week at home. I lived for a month feeling like I wasn’t in my own body. I felt I was watching life through a hazy screen. Eventually, I found out that I was suffering from DPD (depersonalization disorder), triggered by depression.

When I returned to uni, I found out about Student Minds and began volunteering for them. I decided I needed to take control of my own brain. My mental health still fluctuates a lot. I’ll often be feeling fine and then become unwell for a few months. Learning how to deal with this has been the biggest challenge of my second year. Dissociative disorders are not often talked about nor are they well researched. During a relapse, I feel drunk all the time or like a robot who can’t feel anything under the surface. Knowing that there are ways to reconnect with your body is the most important thing. I practice mindfulness, meditation and yoga to stay connected to my body and remain grounded. I intend to return to counseling. But as always, more needs to be done, but I remain optimistic that it will.

Calling All Graduates: The Best is Yet to Come

in: Advice Counselling Graduation

Beth is a 23 year old Psychology graduate and Trainee Counsellor. She currently runs her own mental health blog over at www.memyselfnmentalhealth.wordpress.com

- Beth

I’d like to share with you a post that I sure would of loved to have read back when I finished my undergraduate degree. It’s for all graduates (or soon to be) that have hit that brick wall, been rejected or are panicking about that big old question: what now?

So, I guess starting at the beginning would be a good idea; firstly, I did an undergraduate degree in Psychology. We covered a LOT in those three years; we even had an option of doing a placement year halfway through. I actually didn’t do this for various reasons, which now, in hindsight, could’ve been more helpful than I ever imagined…

I left university after the third year (which was incredibly difficult all round) and moved back home with a 2:1, having the pictures in my cap and gown to prove it. I remember feeling happy to be home and hopeful for all those potential jobs coming my way. However, quite the opposite ended up happening.

It may not be the case for everyone, but I think a lot of graduates do struggle to get into employment. Sometimes people land a great job but equally, some graduates end up going into a job completely unrelated to their degree or in other instances, no job for months.

From my own personal experience, I was one of those people who did manage to get a job but not one I could use my degree I’d worked so hard for. Although this first job was of interest to me, it just wasn’t what I’d always seen myself doing. I left after just over half a year to fully commit to finding that “dream psychology job”. I was so determined, hopeful and enthusiastic I would find it, I spent pretty much every day searching and applying online. It was a huge reality check for me; I was so sure I was going to find something straight away but I was constantly met with rejection or, even more disheartening, no response at all.

I will admit it was difficult. It left me feeling like nothing good was going to come my way. I felt at a dead end, I just couldn’t get to where I wanted to be no matter how hard I tried. I was miserable and was beginning to lose hope.

BUT…

After months of feeling down, frustrated and worried that I was never going to get to where I wanted to be, I noticed that a university counselling course near where I lived had introduced some more places. I applied and the rest all happened very fast! Before I knew it, I had been offered a place and was sitting in the lecture room on my first day of the course suddenly with new hope and excitement for what lay ahead.

My point is, so much can change. This time last year, I wasn’t in a “dream psychology job” where I was using my degree; I couldn’t see a future in one anytime soon and I was facing bucket loads of rejection. Now I’ve completed a counselling course, have secured a placement in a counselling service with my own caseload of clients and have refreshed hope for the future.

When it feels like you’re at a dead end, I really believe that it can and it will get better. I’m living proof of that. We can feel defeated but this can change in ways we just don’t expect when we least expect it.

So, my name is Beth. I am a 23-year-old Psychology Graduate and Trainee Counsellor who struggles themselves with their own mental health difficulties. What many people don’t know about me is that I have OCD, anxiety and have previously had depression. Last year, I started up my own blog to share my experiences in the hope that people no longer feel that they are alone. You can check it out at www.memyselfnmentalhealth.wordpress.com

The Fear of Relapse

in: Counselling Finding support Relapse Therapy

Erin writes about the reality of relapses, and how they can actually be used to change your outlook on life.

- Erin Cadden

Relapsing, it’s a frightening one to comprehend. You don’t think it is possible at a time when things are good. After my last relapse, I didn’t think I could fall as low as I did, again.

One year ago, on May 1st, I had an episode in which I was hospitalised in a mental health facility. This was a turning point for me - a time when I knew I had to seek professional, long-term help.

I’ve struggled for the past 10 years or so with my mental health and my recovery is still ongoing. But only in the past year, after the relapse in May, have I been taking the right steps towards it. While it’s been a difficult journey, it’s also been life changing. I’ve participated in group therapy, private CBT, talking therapy, and hypnotherapy, as well as mentoring and reading self-help books, all to get to know how my brain works.

So I thought I was in a good, healthy place. I’d have my down days from time to time, but I sought comfort from friends and family in order to pull through. But this latest relapse was different.

About a week ago, feelings that haven’t surfaced for a long time came flooding back and my brain, at the time, didn’t seem strong enough to handle it. I tried to end my own life. The police were called and my mum drove over 40 minutes to my rescue. It’s upsetting, knowing that as I type this I feel remorse for that person who came so close to ending her suffering, because that was not the same Erin that is typing this today.

What’s scary about dark thoughts is that they can consume you. They can block out everything that is going on around you and can hone in on the negatives in your brain. At my time of despair, strangers surrounded me trying to help, but all I could hear were my own thoughts. I wish at that point in time, someone could have removed the dark cloud that was overshadowing me, because only then would I have been able to see the bright blue sky.

The greatest realisation from my recent relapse was that no one can help you as much as yourself. There was something inside of me that was determined not to let my self-destructive mind win. I have so much potential, ambition and determination for life. But in that split second, it could have all been lost. I’m not deceived; I know I’m still in recovery and may be for a long time. My journey has not finished yet. But I’m fighting that voice telling me to stay in bed, to ring in sick to work and to not face contact with society.

We need to realise the world is much greater than just our minds. What we’re told by our brains is just a spec in comparison to the extraordinary potential in the world. We can pull through at dark times, and while there’s no guarantee they won’t return again, each time we get stronger. Each time we learn a little more about how our brains work, and each time, recovery from painful relapses is that little bit easier. I’ve realised that ending pain and ending a life are two separate things. When the dark thoughts consume you, it might seem that ending a life is the only way to end the pain. This is not the case. There are many ways to relieve the pain of all mental illnesses. You just need to make that first step to getting help.

It’s important not to get caught up in the negative stigma surrounding mental health. I am not afraid nor embarrassed of it. No two brains are alike; people cope with and handle life in different ways, and this goes for treatment too. Some need a little more support, be that medication, mental health professionals or a simple shoulder to cry on.

Your mental health is a part of who you are. This isn’t always an easy thing to comprehend. After my relapses, I learnt that this mind, my mind, is what I’d been dealt with in life. I could either resist and live my life in pain, or accept and love myself. I am not resisting and fearing relapse. I am growing with it.

Counselled to Counsellor: A Postgraduate student with OCD

in: Anxiety Counselling OCD Postgraduate study Recovery Therapy

Beth (memyselfnmentalhealth.wordpress.com) shares her personal mental health journey, and how she is managing her illness alongside embarking on a postgraduate course.

-Beth Hopkins

So, my name is Beth.

On paper, I’m a 22 year old Psychology Graduate with a lovely boyfriend and a supportive family. I spend about 90% of the time in fleecy PJ bottoms, have very high maintenance eyebrows and am an absolute cake addict. However, what many people don’t know about me is that I face a daily battle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and anxiety.

For those of you who don’t know, OCD is an anxiety disorder made up of obsessional thoughts. These obsessional thoughts cause the individual to carry out compulsions in an attempt to reduce the uneasy feeling. For example, with myself, I have a constant dread something awful is going to happen. When this unwelcome and, quite frankly, terrifying thought pops into my head, I find it far too difficult to just ignore. My brain tricks me into thinking if I don’t want this awful thing to happen, I must complete a routine to prevent it. It seems irrational even writing this down but the OCD makes it seem so real.

In my final year of university, the anxiety became too much for me to cope with. It spiralled into depression and I faced a really difficult few months. I find it fascinating when people can recall their experiences with depression through blog posts and autobiographies etc because I really cannot reflect nor can I vividly remember my own. When I look back on this period of my life, I see an empty, dark tunnel where time crept by slowly. Until, I eventually did find the exit.

It is my recovery from depression that I can remember. My family were the ones who encouraged me to seek help which I am so grateful for. At a time I wasn’t present myself, they were there to recognise this. I ended up being prescribed medication (sertraline) and received regular counselling, both of which helped me immensely. However, I do still have good and bad days. I don’t think my OCD will ever completely go, it’s something that will forever accompany me through life. But I’m still pushing on and I will not let it stop me. So take that.

It feels that now is the right time for me to begin to share my experiences about how I have dealt with mental health being such a massive part of my life. The help I have received for both depression and OCD has driven me to help others who are also struggling and I hope that I will be able to do that through continuing to share and write about my experiences. Alongside this, I have recently been accepted onto a Counselling Psychology masters which has started this week (eek!).

I hope to use my own personal blog, as well as my writing in general to share my journey of being an individual who has, and still does, receive help for their mental health difficulties to becoming a qualified Counsellor myself. I want to share my experience in the hope that other students also beginning an academic journey of sorts, who also have their own mental health problems, can relate and feel less alone.

Mental Health and Freshers

in: Anxiety Counselling Family and Friends Finding support First Year (Freshers) Opening up to friends

Leanne discusses how sometimes, moving away and being in a new city alone can be overwhelming, and offers advice on how to overcome these feelings as well as appropriate sources to contact if you are struggling.

-Leanne Hall

Going to university is supposed to be the best time of your life. But for some people, it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and I know that first hand. It can be scary, lonely and all together daunting. Eight out of ten students (78%) have experienced mental health issues according to a study by NUS, it’s time to speak up about it.

I first came to university when I was 18 and I left after two seemingly long and treacherous weeks. Looking back, I knew I wasn’t ready for university, but as so many people do, I decided to go based on what other people said. The prospect of having to meet new people wasn’t exciting it was terrifying. I had no idea what I was doing, I had no money (which was a worry in itself). This lead me to spend every night dragging my uncontrollable body to the bathroom in an attempt to vomit all of my anxiety up.

It got to the point for me where I wasn’t just having severe panic attacks on my own, but even at university. There were a lot of contributing factors as to why I was in such a dark place and I won’t bore you with them. In the end I wasn’t able to control my thoughts or body anymore and I ended up seeing the university counsellor which really helped put things into perspective for me. The reality was I didn’t feel safe or happy at that point in my life so I made the decision to drop out. A decision I still stand by. Yet here I am three years later and going into my second year of university and experiencing the type of university experience people constantly rave on about.

I know it can be a traumatic experience for so many but I want to stress that you are not alone. There are so many people who are going through the same emotions. Try to involve yourself with societies at university and get social during Freshers week. I wrote on a Facebook page after drinking a bottle of wine to ask if anyone wanted to hang out, no shame. Guess what happened? Somebody came up to my flat and hung out with me, and this is because everybody is in the same boat at university. There are so many people who come from all over the world and country to study in London and I can guarantee that the majority of people know nobody here either. Try to keep that in mind when you’re feeling out of your depth.

If you’re an international student, starting a new phase in life far from home it can be just as daunting. Don’t be afraid to make friends, start with flatmates and then slowly start socialising during freshers week. Everybody in university, especially first years are all looking to fit in just like you.

If you do struggle like I have and have serious issues with anxiety or paranoia, please don’t be ashamed of it. You are on your own after all and it is so important to understand when you need help. Your university will have great tutors in every course so, if you’re feeling under the weather, homesick or crazy overwhelmed, contact them. They are there to help and make university easier for you, trust me.

If you’re feeling like you need to talk to someone with more experience, every campus has a nurse and a student advice team. You can talk to a counsellor if you want confidentiality.

You can call Samaritans who are available 24/7 on 116 123.

Remember that sometimes you cannot do it all on your own. There is help. In the form of your friends, your professors, your student's union, university and even your family. Put your mental health first and enjoy your time at the university without compromising on your happiness. Talk about your problems and there is a very good chance you'll sort it out a lot faster than you would by yourself.

This piece originally featured as an article on 'The QH'; University of Westminster's newspaper.

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