Freshers' Flu and Feeling Blue

Mary explores the realisation that you're struggling and accepting help during the early months of university. 

- Mary Litchfield

The first few weeks of university are so busy and hectic that you can have hardly any time to think about how you’re feeling and coping with such an enormous change; it can take time to adjust to getting into the routine of lectures and coursework. Sometimes suppressed worries can surface after a few weeks or months.

Freshers’ and neglecting yourself

Starting your first year of university opens up a whole new world of opportunity, from making tonnes of new friends, joining lots of exciting societies and clubs, to just going out and having a laugh. And, of course, go to every single one of your 9 am lectures. However, the beginning of university isn’t always sunshine and roses and it can be difficult to fully take in your new situation or surroundings. When freshers’ ends and all the excitement that goes with it, sometimes it can be tough. It can feel like you’re alone and fending for yourself, and potentially can lead to you feeling down about the university experience.

It can feel so busy that you don’t have time to address any emotions that arise, and so it's easy to deny yourself a little necessary me-time just to ponder your own thoughts and see how you’re coping emotionally and physically. Looking after your mental health as well as your physical health, especially when freshers’ flu makes an appearance, is important for thriving at university.

Things not going to plan

When you arrive at university there are so many ideas and preconceptions about student life that are going through your mind. Things will likely not be exactly how you had expected, but this isn’t necessarily a bad thing; surprises can be exciting. However, when things aren’t going to plan it’s easy to feel anxious or worried, especially once you’re fending for yourself without the immediate support of your family.

Additionally, worries and negative feelings that were in the back of your mind can creep up on you beyond your initial anxieties when beginning university. You may be in a situation where you aren’t getting on with your flatmates, or your course isn’t what you expected, or perhaps you’re missing family and friends back at home. Navigating a new stage of your life, on a new campus, and in a new city can be confusing!

But it is important to remember that lots of people experience these anxieties, but that every individual also adjusts to university differently and no one’s situation is the same. It is perfectly normal for things not to have gone how you expected. If you’re facing problems then it can help to share them – you may be surprised at how many of your peers may share these worries.

Mental health matters

If you’ve struggled with mental health difficulties or significant worries before coming to university it can make the process of going away a lot more difficult.

Struggling during the beginning of university is normal for every student embarking on a new stage of life but it can be particularly difficult, especially if you’ve struggled with mental health difficulties or significant worries before coming to university. You’re in a new place and want a fresh start so it can be easy to deny to yourself that you might need a little help or it can also be overwhelming trying to approach the university and ask for help. With so much going on, it can be even more of a struggle to get into the swing of university life. Bumps in the road can feed on difficulties or problems you’re having or have had previously. Even whilst being surrounded by hundreds of people you can feel alone.

There can be a pressure to “have fun” and neglecting your feelings or not getting support can be easier than these facing problems. But this can just make it worse and it’s usually best to tackle things earlier.

University is a whirlwind of chaos, excitement and opportunity. You can have the best and worst days. It’s not always plain sailing, particularly during your first couple of weeks or months. It can be easy to let problems linger and get worse, which isn’t what you need whilst battling off fresher’s flu. Whatever you’re struggling with, never be afraid to seek out help.

Hi, I’m Mary. I recently graduated from The University of Nottingham. During my time there I was part of Nottingham’s Student Minds committee; it was here that I found out about Student Minds’ blog. Mental health is still something very stigmatised and not always talked about. So, I thought I’d try my hand at starting conversations about it and if they help even one person, it’s a step in the right direction.



Starting university/ Freshers': http://www.studentminds.org.uk/starting-university.html
Find Support: http://www.studentminds.org.uk/find-support.html

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Fresher’s Fever: behind the curtain of euphoria

Emma writes about how being a Fresher isn't necessarily carefree and the best time of your life, and reassures readers that if you're struggling to settle into uni, you won't be the only one who feels this way.

- Emma Wilson

Insecurity.

Low self-esteem.

Perceived rejection.

These are the feelings that are seemingly hidden behind the mask of Fresher’s fever.

University can be the best time of your life. It is a chance to make long-lasting friendships, learn from professors who are experts in their subject area, and experience the big wide world outside of the family home.

But there is another side to starting university, one that isn’t glamourised in the news or spoken about during sixth-form. And that is dealing with the emotions, thoughts and feelings that arise when dealing with a new environment. This is most apparent in the first few weeks of university, when social events take place and friendships are being formed.

Amidst the haze and whirlwind of Fresher’s week and your first few months at university, it may get to the point where you start to wonder: am I fitting in? Why are those girls hanging out but haven’t invited me? Why do I feel lonely when last night I felt on top of the world? I didn’t go to clubbing last night, will I now be an outsider? Have I missed out?

Let me tell you this. How you feel is how most people feel when starting university. Seriously. It is only in hindsight and having spoken to university friends that I have learned just how terrified everyone feels during those first few weeks or months. It is amazing what persona people can put on during the quest for acceptance amongst one’s peers.

It is also important to gain some perspective about meeting new people. If you're lucky, you'll get on with your new flatmate as soon as you realise your mutual love for the Great British Bake Off. But more often than not, it can take a while to find a group of people that match your interests. 

It is important to remember this: friendships don’t form overnight – not those which will stand the test of time. These strong bonds develop over months or years. Just think about the friends you have from back home. Those who mean the most won’t leave your life. In fact, going to university or moving away is a real test of any friendship. Having graduated from university in 2013, I can see this now. I ended up becoming good friends with people from outside of my course; those I hadn’t even met until the second term, or even the second year of university. People come and go in our lives. It’s important to be surrounded by people who inspire you, who drive you forward – who make you feel good about who you are.

My final piece of advice is this: enjoy the start of your university adventure. It is an experience like no other. But try to remember who you are. It’s good to step outside your comfort zone, but don’t go beyond your limits – respect yourself, and others will respect you. Don’t worry about being called the “boring one” for not taking 10 shots of tequila. And don’t feel like you don’t deserve to join your flatmates on a trip to Nando’s just because you never received that text message – it’s nothing personal, things just get a little hectic. And if these doubts start to creep into your mind, don’t fret. Chances are, most people are feeling the same.


If you are finding the start of university tough, we have more information about tips for settling in, missing home, and ways of looking after yourself on the Student Minds website here and information about finding support here. 

Hi everyone, I'm Emma. I graduated from King's College London in 2013 and completed an MSc in 2016. I struggled with different mental and physical health problems whilst at university and am keen to share some of the things that did, and didn't, help in my recovery. I now write, train and consult in the field of mental health and you can find me on Twitter (@MindfulEm).

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Assignment 1: Accepting Me

Charlotte discusses her experience with grief and ongoing anxiety regarding her decision to change university course.

-       Charlotte Stevenson

When my granddad passed away from cancer, I was 17 years old. It was incredibly hard - not only had I always felt closest to him, but I had also been caring for him. The weeks which followed are a blur of grief, and my brain seems to have erased much of what happened. This is largely because at the same time, I was also learning to cope with my own anxiety and panic disorder.

Grief and anxiety are difficult to handle together. At first, both seemed entirely out of control; whenever I managed to control one, the other would rear its ugly head. For a long time, I tried to ignore it all and get on with life as ‘normal’ - which back then meant giving all my attention to A level's and not really listening to my brain. Instead of allowing myself the time and space I needed to process everything, I threw myself into schoolwork and extra-curriculars. While these things mattered to me, they didn't distract from my larger problems. If anything, I now realise that it was merely to create the illusion that I was fine.

Until this point, I had spent most of my life preparing to be a classical singer. This dream had led me to sing with choirs and orchestras all over Europe, audition for elite conservatoires, and take extra exams to prove my vocal ability. However, the high-pressure environment of classical singing isn't for everyone. When I began a conservatoire course after A levels, I was excited! But upon arrival, I found that all my hard work, even at my ideal school, wasn’t a time machine that could take me back to my former self. In fact, throughout my entire time at music college, I felt like a failure; nothing made sense and I didn’t feel like I belonged. I decided to try moving home to complete the first year of my course.

Once I returned home, I told my mum everything. I had been incredibly worried because I didn't want to upset or disappoint her after everything we went through with granddad. But once I had told her (and we both spent that evening crying) I felt massive relief - now it was out loud, it was real. I had acknowledged anxiety for the first time. After that moment, which was a long time in the making, I was then able to learn how to care of myself and my mental health properly. I started speaking about it more, balancing my workload, and generally putting myself first. It isn't easy, and still isn’t 100% natural, but I’m gradually adjusting.

The most important step I made towards self-care was re-applying to university for a subject I love: English Literature. When you train for music all your life, it’s very easy to put on a pair of blinkers, thinking it’s your only possible future, but there were always other subjects that I enjoyed studying. In fact, now I want to learn everything I can in my lifetime. Getting accepted to my dream literature course was another confusing milestone. While I was over the moon, I also thought that I had let my granddad down. Before he passed away, he made my mum promise that I wouldn't give up music. I spoke to mum, and she said that while it was hard, I had made the right decision for myself and my own happiness - which is all that granddad would have wanted. She was right - studying English quite literally saved my life.

If there is one thing that I hope you take from this, it’s that putting yourself first and talking about your problems – especially when it’s difficult – is the best way to take care of your mental health. Too often, because it’s not physical, we call the problem 'imaginary'. But you would seek help for a broken leg, and it's the same for your brain. Telling someone you trust can be the first step to recovery - not straightaway, but gradually. It might not seem so now but I can promise you, reaching out does make a difference.

Hi, I'm Charlotte and I'm a student at York St. John University. My ambition is to be a writer, and I have worked on projects with UCAS, the Guardian, and the Travel Pocket Guide. Writing about anxiety, how I have dealt with it, and the importance of putting mental health first, is some of the most important work I have yet produced, which is why writing for Student Minds matters so much to me.

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6 Ways to Prepare for University

Becky writes about preparing for University 

- Becky Reed

Results day has been and gone, and perhaps things are starting to become a bit more real. If you’re reading this, it is likely that in a few weeks you will move away from home and begin the next chapter of your life at University. Firstly, congratulations! It’s not easy gaining a place at University, and you have probably gone through a lot of blood, sweat and tears to get this far. So, well done!

I wanted to write this blog for those of you who are struggling with the prospect of moving to University. If your experience is anything like mine, everyone you speak to is excited about moving away from home, starting a new chapter, and preparing for the ‘best years of their life.’ But, for some of us, the thought of all this change can be overwhelming. And that’s ok.

For as long as I can remember anxiety has been part of my life. It, however, had been manageable until 6 months before moving to University. I suffered a traumatic event, and from that moment, things began to spiral out of control rapidly. I was diagnosed with PTSD, generalised anxiety, and depression. I took all the help available – talking to close friends and family, attending psychotherapy, and taking anti-depressants. Yet, I still struggled. I questioned if I could cope away from the support I desperately needed. I searched for advice from people who had moved to University with a mental illness. There is a lot of information of what to do if you suffer with your mental illness while at University, but less on what to do in preparation.  Now that I am going into my final year, and have learnt to thrive with my mental illness, I want to tell you some things that helped me.

Take a day trip to where you’re moving to. 

Whether you have or haven’t already visited, a visit may help answer some questions. You could find the local supermarket, check out bus routes, or find the local GP.

Get in contact with the Universities student support services. 

You will be able to gain support from mental health & disability advisors, counsellors, mentors etc. Contacting them before means you know where help is from day one. They may also be able to provide some extra information or advice before you make the move. This is also the place to ask about Disability Student Allowance (DSA). The DSA can provide funding for resources that may help your emotional wellbeing. 

Register with a GP. 

This is especially important if you are on medication. Even if you aren’t, it can relieve some anxiety, as you know where help is should you need it. 

Have a plan for when you experience a mental health day. 

Know what works for you and how you can implement it in your new environment. Personally, when I had a bad day I needed to get on my bike. So, I made sure I could take my bike with me, and knew how to store it. It can be easy to get swept away with University, especially during fresher’s week, but just remember what you need to do to stay well. 

Prepare to make your room your own. 

Moving into halls is great, but if you don’t make it your own it could just feel like you’re staying in someone else’s room for a year. Print off photos; buy some cushions– whatever will make it feel like yours. 

Consider the drinking culture of university. 

This was a massive contributing factor to my anxiety levels pre-moving. Due to the medication I was on, I was not allowed to drink. I feared people would think I was boring, and thought it would see me left out of many things. Since moving to University I have seen that people generally respect your attitude to drinking. I would not have believed that at the height of a MH crisis. It’s a good idea to have a plan for what to say when someone asks you if you’d like a drink. Thanks for reading! Be kind to yourself over the next few weeks. It’s natural to be nervous, but if you feel you are struggling, make sure you get the help you need, perhaps talk this through with someone you trust to come up with a plan that will work for you.

Most importantly, good luck! Have a brilliant time at University.

Hey, I’m Becky. I’m a final year student studying Sport and Social Sciences at the University of Bath. I have been living with generalised anxiety for a number of years, and have, more recently, suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and episodes of severe depression. I wanted to write for Student Minds to show there’s light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dark it seems. Thank you for reading - I hope it has helped you.

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10 things you need to know about Mental Health at University

Jodie writes about the 10 things it is helpful to know about mental health at university. 

- Jodie Goodacre

University is so often talked about as being the best years of your life, a place where you will make life long friends, get involved with many societies and gain independence.  However, this is a large leap in a person’s life and it can bring with it a number of difficulties. Students are warned about the stress that studying at university will bring with it, as well as potential mental health issues that may arise. However, what is not often discussed is the level at which mental health problems exist, with the number of students dropping out from university courses due to mental illness increasing significantly in recent years. Perhaps unsurprisingly, mental health difficulties are more prevalent in university students than the general population with 75% of all mental health difficulties developing in individuals by their mid-20s (Royal College of Psychiatrists, 2010). It is recognised that a student’s mental wellbeing will directly impact on their performance academically, the friendships created and their overall experience at the university. It is not simply in the best interests of the university to invest time and money into the wellbeing of their students (and staff), but in fact it is their duty to do so. 

For those considering going to university, for those with friends or family going to university, for those in the education system and for all, these are the ten things that you need to know about mental health at university. 

1.  Academic pressure can fuel mental health difficulties
Whilst the majority of students will have joined university straight after completing their A-levels or similar qualifications and work pressure is nothing new to them, the sheer intensity can come as quite a shock. University is likely to be the first time that a student is asked to learn independently, to manage their own time and to think outside of the box, creating their own ideas far beyond a textbook. It is important that whilst at university you make time for self care and to know that your results do not define you or your worth.

2. Financial strain will become a larger strain than you first imagine 
Another huge pressure is the financial implications of going to university. Financial stress can drive mental health difficulties; expensive tuition fees alongside uncertain job prospects mean students are becoming ever more stressed about whether the costs incurred will pay off. If you would like some more advice on how to manage your finances you will be able to find some information here.

3. A routine is essential to your mental health at university
At university, the ball is well and truly in your corner. You choose to attend lectures, if you skip them there will unlikely be any follow up unless you are regularly skipping. You choose what time to wake up and go to bed. For many, self-management can be incredibly difficult, there are different social events on different evenings, there are deadlines at different stages, it won’t always be easy, or possible to stick to a regular routine and losing this structure can have a really big impact on productivity and wellbeing. Start the year in the way you wish to continue, use bullet journals, diaries, calendars – whatever it is you find helpful to your own organisation

4. Social media is a blessing and a curse 
I am sure this is nothing new to many students, however, at university social media seems to become ‘more central’ to the experience: friend requests left, right and centre, tagged photos, house party invites. Social media in general is known to have both positive and detrimental impacts to a person’s mental health, with a whole network allowing us to judge ourselves and our lives against others. The constant and sometimes relentless stream of status updates and photos of people appearing to have a good time can turn social media into an area of competition instead of relaxation. It is important to reclaim social media and make it a more honest place – you can share your best night in here.

5. Living in halls is not as scary as it first seems 
The thought of living with complete strangers can be scary at first, but there are many thousands of others taking this step as they start university. It is important to try and make your room as homely as possible, put up your favourite photos, get nice bedding and make it your own. Why not buy some tea and biscuits for that first social meeting with your new housemates? It is also ok if you do not get on with your house mates, there are plenty of other ways to meet people at university. It will be useful to prepare yourself before you move in order to make the transition smooth.

6. Living at home can be beneficial and isolating at the same time
When you picture a university student, you may imagine students living away from home but what about the 27% of students living at home (Guardian, 2017). You will have to try harder to fit in with close groups that live together. This is especially noticeable in first year following ‘freshers’, which is definitely not made for students living at home and you may notice most of your friends are from your course rather than across university courses – be sure not to shoot off straight after lectures, stay around and socialise if you are able to as it can feel very isolating at times.

7. Making friends 
Being at university is not purely about studying, it is a whole experience, and socialising is a very important aspect. Students are put in the same position, thrown into a new environment, often not knowing anyone else – you become a very small fish, in a very large pond. It can be very overwhelming and very anxiety provoking, but a great chance to meet likeminded people. The first person you meet might not be your best friend for life and that is okay. If you are lucky, you might develop strong friendships that will last a lifetime. People may find this time in their lives difficult; know what to look out for in Student Minds Look After Your Mate guide.

8. Fresher’s week may damage more than your liver
Fresher’s week, the start of the university year. It is a great way to meet people, make friends, relax and slowly ease into university life. Whilst this period is usually seen as a student essential, the sheer amount of clubbing, events and most notable… alcohol can become too frequent and prove overwhelming for some. Please, look after yourself and watch your alcohol consumption. Also if you do not drink that is also ok and there will be other students who are exactly the same as you can read here.

9. Societies give you a much needed break from university work  
There are lots of ways to embed yourself into your university community and joining societies is one of them. Always wanted to try out something new? Been part of a club at home for years? Attend your societies fair or check out your student union website to find out what societies are available at your university. This can be a great way to meet likeminded people and have fun outside of the academic pressures of university.

10. Services are there for you, make use of them 
At university there are a variety of services to support students such as a doctor’s surgery and a wellbeing centre. When at school you will have had a large amount of contact with the staff, however at university you will have minimal contact hours with staff and thus sadly much less likely for them to pick up on symptoms of poor mental wellbeing, unless you bring it to their attention. It is very important that you speak to your tutors and also the wellbeing centre when you need that additional support. Find out what further support is available to you here.



Hey! I am Jodie, a final year Geography student from Hertfordshire living with Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Type 2 and Anxiety. I am a passionate Mental Health Campaigner, having worked across the UK delivering speeches in schools, speaking with ministers at the department of health, working with the media all with the aim of raising awareness and reducing stigma.  I am thrilled to be working with Student Minds to continue this journey in highlighting the difficulties that can come with education whilst showing that life can continue with a mental illness, you can achieve greatness just like someone without a mental health condition.

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How to: Navigate Uni with a Dissociative Disorder

Recognising mental illness at university can be hard. Especially, as with dissociative disorders, they aren't talked about very often.

-Elise Jackson

University is undoubtedly amazing. However, getting through the first year can be a challenge for many. Moving away from everything that is familiar, meeting a diverse array of completely new people and having to adapt to an entirely new way of learning is not easy, to say the least. For me, the summer before I started university was the hardest of my life. I lost a lot. My mum had moved half way across the country, my family sold the only home I’d ever known and my friends, destined for universities up and down the country, had to say goodbye. This summer of loss was made only more difficult, by a previous, truly world shattering, loss that occurred during my A-level exams. Four days before my 18th birthday, I lost my big brother to SUDEP (Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy). It was one week before his 22nd birthday. We came to terms with it somehow but grieving whilst simultaneously moving house, sitting A-level exams and leaving home for the first time to embark on my new student life, unsurprisingly, proved difficult. 

I struggled. Within two days of being at university, my parents had phoned the university to help me get some support. I was in the counseling service before the end of Freshers. The counselors were brilliant, very understanding, informed, and acted immediately. Thankfully, when I had settled in, things got better fast. My entire block of fellow first years was super sociable. We spent a lot of time living as one huge flat. I was also lucky enough to have one of my best friends from home living two blocks down. Between my block and his flat, housing for second year was sorted by mid-November. Things were going well so I stopped going to counseling. 

But.

 The thing about mental health is that it can fluctuate, it's somewhat unpredictable. Around February time I had to return my mum's new home in Norfolk for a few days because I felt... wrong. At the time, I thought it was exhaustion and decided a few days at home would solve it. And it did, for a little while. These short periods of what I can only describe as fogginess came to every couple of months but always passed within a week or so. Exams came and went and summer returned. 

During summer, I’m often between places. I usually choose to spend most of the holiday period in Sussex as it is where the majority of my friends are. It also means I can be close to my dad’s family. Reflecting on that first summer of University, I think I must have felt it coming to some extent but not really acknowledged it. I went to stay in Norfolk and something hit me like a tidal wave. This time, I was forced to realize that something was going on in my brain that couldn’t be simply solved by a week at home. I lived for a month feeling like I wasn’t in my own body. I felt I was watching life through a hazy screen. Eventually, I found out that I was suffering from DPD (depersonalization disorder), triggered by depression. 

When I returned to uni, I found out about Student Minds and began volunteering for them. I decided I needed to take control of my own brain. My mental health still fluctuates a lot. I’ll often be feeling fine and then become unwell for a few months. Learning how to deal with this has been the biggest challenge of my second year. Dissociative disorders are not often talked about nor are they well researched. During a relapse, I feel drunk all the time or like a robot who can’t feel anything under the surface. Knowing that there are ways to reconnect with your body is the most important thing. I practice mindfulness, meditation and yoga to stay connected to my body and remain grounded. I intend to return to counseling. But as always, more needs to be done, but I remain optimistic that it will.

Hello! I'm Elise. I'm currently in my final year studying English Language and Literature at the University of Nottingham. My writings for Student Minds will range from pieces about depression and DPD to coping with loss, bereavement and change during your studies - all the while remaining mindful and getting the most out of university life. Thanks for reading!

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Assumptions and Acceptance

Using her own experience Rachael shows how a bad start to university doesn't have to put you off university education. 

-Rachael Johnston

My welcome to higher education wasn't all that great to begin with. I was studying a counselling degree with the hope to work in early intervention programs for children who were struggling emotionally.  I was honest about having Anorexia & Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), however, when it came to placement year I was pulled into a room and was told I would be a danger to myself and others!

The tutors had googled BPD and basically just read the bad stuff related to it. I was heartbroken, especially with it coming from my tutors who were counsellors. I'd worked so hard and was fully aware I would need to be conscious of my own state of mind during the placement and in the profession.

While this was happening, I had given a talk about my journey to a group of university students on a Childhood & Youth Professional Studies course. I explained the situation I was in and explained the direction I wanted to head in. There and then the lecturer told me about their course and the help on offer through disability support.

Within 2 weeks student finance had been sorted and my disabled student allowance (DSA). Right from the start, the support I recieved was amazing. I had an independent learning plan which was sent to my tutors and I had a copy. It explained all my needs and any behaviours to watch out for (which I had agreed to) - that I may just leave the lecture as often I just need to walk round to get myself back focused.

There was no pressure to read my marks straight away from assignments and if I was struggling it was okay. There was no judgement. Even today as I enter my final year, it's still the same.

The other year I received a phone call from the course lead as I'd taken an overdose just after we broke up for summer - there was no judgement and no well "uni isn't for you" which I had had in the past.

My support plan is followed to the letter (as it should be) and although I've had a couple of extensions for my assignments due to declines in my health, it's never been an issue.

My greatest support for my uni support is my mentor, who is funded through my DSA. I've built up a trusting relationship with her and she keeps everyone updated, with my permission. I struggle with going into the library to get books so she's worked with me to build up the courage to do it. I honestly wonder if I would have carried on with my course at times if it wasn't for the fact I have her to rant and ramble to, she goes above and beyond and I really appreciate it.

I recently had a matter around student finance and phoned/emailed my lead tutor in a panic, she helped to resolve the matter and calmed me down, she knew the matter would be sorted but didn’t discredit my racing thoughts and feelings, as she knew this would just make my BPD spiral.

University is often a bumpy journey. I've had to adjust to new situations and overcome darker days. I feel very humbled that I have joined a university that has accepted and encouraged me, and one that has taken the time to understand that my mental health is only a small part of the 26 year old that is looking forward to graduating in 2018.

Feeling low? Find local support at your university, here. Find further information, support and advice on the Student Minds website.




Hi, I'm Rachael. I'm currently studying Childhood and Youth Professional Studies at the University of Chester and wanted to write for Student Minds as I have Anorexia and Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to show that having mental health issues doesn't have to stop you from studying.

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Student Drinking Culture

After months of binge drinking at University, and eventually finding out the hard way that alcohol is not good for her mind. Erin made the sensible decision to stop drinking. Despite being keen to “fit in” and not be perceived as boring, she put aside society’s judgements and focused on making her mind as healthy as it could be.

-Erin  Cadden 

I have never had to contemplate my relationship with alcohol. Drinking was always something I did socially, I didn’t abuse the substance so I couldn’t have had an issue with it, or so I thought. What I have come to realise, is that alcohol can be self-destroying and a depressant in itself. Mixing my complicated and frazzled mind with alcohol is not healthy. I would never participate in any activities that I knew would add additional pressure to my mental illness, so, why did I continue to drink? knowing the negative consequences?

I thought I was sensible when it came to alcohol. Yes, sometimes I drank a little too much, but doesn’t everyone at university? I thought this was normal… Everyone just seemed to be in a constant cycle of being drunk then hung-over and then drunk again. Due to this, I never considered stopping drinking. I was a student, for me, this meant I had to drink to fit in. Only now, at 3 months sober, I realise how wrong I was.

People drink to be social, I drank for different reasons. When I drank, it was to numb myself...to numb my mind. It was to stop my thoughts from constantly ticking over. All too often my social anxiety would get the better of me, especially when socialising in big groups. The only way I thought I could overcome this, was to drink. Don’t get me wrong, there were times where I drank to enjoy myself with my friends. However, most of the time I drank, it was to try to rid myself of the pain in my mind. I was so desperate to not be the “odd one out” that I drank to give myself, what I thought was, more confidence. Really, all I wanted to do was stay in bed and never leave.

A few drinks later and I would notice my thoughts hadn’t gone quite, hadn’t slowed down like wanted them to. The reality was quite the opposite. My thoughts would gain momentum, accelerated to a speed that was uncontrollable. I would be socialising, having fun, meanwhile, my mind would be constantly telling me things I did not want to hear. So I continued to drink, it was the only remedy I knew. I’d drink until I no longer heard the racing thoughts. I’d drink until the thoughts had drowned in the vodka I had consumed. At this point, I would be in a state, where I simply could not handle myself.

Frightening, isn’t it? I was putting myself in this a state, to try to save myself, from myself. I was so concerned with being judged by my peers that I thought drinking was the best way to be accepted socially. I would have far rather drank myself silly and endured thoughts that made me hate myself than accept who I am. Until I realised, alcohol isn’t good for me or my mind.

It’s hard sometimes, to refuse a drink when I am out with friends. However, I can feel my mind getting healthier every day and I will not let one drink of alcohol put that in jeopardy. I find the hardest part of being sober is not turning down a drink. It’s admitting to people that I don’t drink. 

The looks, the surprise, the questions, I receive from people when I order my virgin cocktail or non-alcoholic beer is, embarrassing. It makes me feel belittled and awkward. I am confident that I do not need to drink to have fun. So why do others question my ability to be social, without having a drink?

Why do my peers find it so peculiar that I don’t drink alcohol? Ask yourself, would your reaction in a situation like this be much different? It can be so unintentional. To be honest, these responses come mostly from my friends and other people I regularly socialise with. 

So, if there is anything you can take from this post, it’s to be less judgemental. If you come across someone who doesn’t drink alcohol, be it myself, or anyone else, think before you respond. Remember that not everyone drinks alcohol to be fun and drinking alcohol is not a positive experience for everyone.

I am happy and comfortable with myself. I know I don’t need any substances to enjoy a night out. If anything, I’m having more fun without alcohol than I ever had before!

 

Hi, my name is Erin, I am currently in my final year studying Design Management at UAL in London. I shave suffered from my mental health from the age of 10 years old. My diagnoses are still ongoing but suspected off; Depression, Anxiety, Autism, Bipolar and Borderline personality disorder. I began writing for Student Minds in order to share my own experiences of my journey with mental health. The aim is to increase awareness and to decrease the stigma attached to mental illnesses as a whole.

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Accepting help, despite thinking you don't need it

Caitlin writes about her time at University, as she put her mental health first and accepted the help surrounding her.

- Caitlin

It all went a bit wrong for me, about a week ago. I should have noticed myself, really, that my old ways were coming back. It should have been my canary in the coal mine, when two people asked me if I was okay, in the same afternoon. I didn’t want to accept that I was losing control again.

Perhaps it’s the freedom of being at university that allowed me to lose control at all. I felt much the same as I had through my A-levels, my reference point for all things mental health. I was inexcusably nervous over the smallest thing, like sitting on the front row in class (which had been, at one point, my coping mechanism, but clearly not this time). My hands were shaking all over the show, embarrassingly, so it was easy to fall back on how I would sit on placement, with “hands in a basket” (if you’re unfamiliar with this, it’s what teachers sometimes tell children who can’t stop fidgeting. It’s also what my head of sixth form told me, when I was preparing for university interviews). I could feel my words drying up, like a tap being switched off. I became a wallflower, in spectacular fashion, finding it easier to observe rather than participate. In school, on placement, I didn’t have the time or the headspace to allow my mental health to creep in, at least, not in the presence of the children. I know that I must have been a nightmare of a placement partner sometimes. Strict routines in a primary school are really good for me. General freedom and loose routines at university - not so much.

For someone who hadn’t had much experience with mental health, accepting that I needed help felt impossible. Why couldn’t I just get on with things and be normal? Why was it such a big deal to cope with everyday, menial tasks?

So I’ve spent a week at home, which at first felt like the biggest confession I’ve ever made to my brain. I’ve skipped a lesson, a couple of days, but never a week.

Fast-forward, and the fog is lifting. It’s not as dark. My mum (my magical, superhuman mum) says I’ve come back out of my head, and that’s how she knows I’m getting better. She means that I went quiet for a while, just sort of floating through life. And now it’s like I’ve come back up for air; started living again. I’ve started noticing things, and began making my own happiness. I’ve made more progress on my novel in this last few days than I have in months. 

This is probably aided by my new medication, two new boxes of pills trying to curb the sharp edges of my anxiety, and soften the blow of mild depression. But I’ve also found it to be just the way my brain works. It’s hard to remember this, in the depth of an intensely low period, but as a rule, there’s always a reprieve, a high after a low. As bad as things were before, they always seem to come around eventually. Even when I was an absolute train wreck, in a very anxious French lesson, I could usually (usually!) find something to smile about afterwards, even if it was only the peculiarity of a French novel about a hunchbacked, madman of a rabbit farmer (not even joking.)

In a roundabout sort of way, I think what I’m trying to say here, is that things will always get better. When things have stopped going wrong, there’s only one other way for them to go. You have to get yourself up somehow, dust yourself down (as I’m writing this, I’m imagining Amanda Thripp, the girl who was thrown by her pigtails in Matilda) and pick up where you left off. Even if that means checking your university portal with horror, trying to work out where to start with catching up. There’s a quote that I always find myself returning to, that seems quite apt here.

“You wake up every morning to fight the same demons that left you so tired the night before, and that, my love, is bravery.”

We’re all just fighting the same demons over and over again. Scary stuff. Catching up lecture notes? Easy peasy, in comparison.

(As an extra note, I have another quote that I like, that sometimes is easier to relate to! “I’m just going to put an Out of Order sticker on my forehead and call it a day.”)

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Coping with Anxiety at University

Jasmine talks about her battle with anxiety whilst at University

                                                                                                                               -Jasmine

I am a very anxious person and occasionally, when things get too much – say I get a bad grade or deadlines are piling up I’m prone to having a bit of a breakdown. Yes, I did consider this as a con when deciding to move away from home for University, but at the end of the day, my love for trying new things and the University that I chose overcame these cons. 

I’m relatively independent; I like alone time and I’ve never been one of those people that has to rely on their parents 24/7, so during the first month of University my anxiety never really got the best of me. However, when my required reading started piling up and I began getting grades back and realising the extent of how hard University can be, I then realised how far away from home I really was. Breakdowns aren’t a new experience for me, between GCSE’s and A Levels and the surge of hormones you’re gifted with during adolescence, I’ve had more of them then I can count, but usually I have my support system around me to calm me down. Back at home I could go to my mum for a hug, or meet up with my friends for a relaxed outing to distract me from my thoughts. However, being in a new place, I didn’t think I was close enough to anyone yet to reveal the “anxious mess” that I could occasionally become.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d made friends and I wasn’t alone at all, but we’d only known each other for a few weeks and I didn’t feel it was appropriate so show up at someone’s door crying and asking for a hug and some support. However, late one evening, after a horrible day consisting of dealing with a panic attack alone in my room, I decided to join everyone for a night out and take my mind off things. It’s University, I’ve been out a lot, but going out on this night in particular is probably one of the best things I could have done. On the way to the club I started getting into an emotional (granted, slightly alcohol fuelled) conversation with a girl from my halls about how rough my week had been only to have her turn around and tell me she’s experienced the same thing so many times! Words can’t describe how much of a relief it was having somebody tell me they understood what I was going through and were there for me. To this day whenever I’m feeling low or stressed I know I can go to her for a hug and a hot chocolate and she knows that she can do the same, and it’s made dealing with University away from home so much easier.

I cannot stress how important having some sort of support system is. Feeling alone whilst anxious or stressed is a horrible feeling, and it will only get worse if you feel the need to hide your anxiety and stress from people. I’m not saying that you should shout it from the rooftops and load your problems onto every single person that you meet, but you’d be surprised how much sharing your issues could help you in the long run. Now, having completed my first term at University, I would say I have 5 to 6 people that I know I could go to in tears, free of judgement and have them listen and help me, and it’s such a reassuring feeling. None of that could have happened if I hadn’t felt like I could share my issues with those around me.

University is tough. You’re away from home and courses are difficult, it’s okay to have the occasional panic or down day, but my advice to you is to build yourself a support system. It could be one person, or it could be 20 people – it’s different for everybody but make sure that you have someone! Trust me, it can make all the difference.

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Why It's OK To Not Go Clubbing At Uni

Worrying about the pressure to go out at uni? You should just focus on doing what you enjoy, says Ruby.

- Ruby Ellis

We know all too well that university brings with it a lot of pressures, such as homesickness, independent learning, and of course a sudden increase in workload. But there was one that I wasn’t really expecting and the one that hit me the hardest: the pressure to go out.

Having struggled with anxiety in the past, clubs are one place that I find it difficult to cope. One of my symptoms before a panic attack is that my senses get really heightened. Loud music, flashing lights and being pressed up against random strangers can make it an intense and frightening experience that for me is sure to set off feelings of nausea and hyperventilation. The answer to this seems obvious: why don’t you just not go clubbing? And why do I still find myself going out every so often, knowing I will hate it and usually ending up walking back in the dark alone because I panicked in the club and had to run out as fast as I could?

I don’t mind drinking. In fact, I really enjoy a glass of wine after a long day. But excessive drinking, the feeling of not being in control and of course the hangover the next day is not my idea of fun. Yet drinking and going out is so deeply ingrained into university culture I felt like I had to force myself to go out. Freshers’ week was awful for me. I started off almost enjoying myself, but was so physically and mentally exhausted by the end of each night from trying to control my symptoms that by the end of the week I couldn’t cope anymore and was an anxious, homesick mess. I felt like a failure because I hadn’t gone out and met loads of new people, which is what I was told Freshers’ was all about. I felt like I had missed the prime opportunity to make friends and I had essentially failed. I thought I was the odd one out and was never going to make any meaningful friendships. I also thought that everyone was going to think I was the boring girl who never went out.

Thankfully, the reality couldn’t be any further from that. Through my course and other activities, I have met loads of people who I don’t have to go out to bond with. Sure, some of them do enjoy clubbing but I’m under no obligation to join them, and we can hang out in other ways like film nights and going out for food instead. And even those who were out every night at Freshers’ have revealed to me that they don’t think clubbing is all that, and they were just faced with the same pressure to go out as I was. You may come across the odd person who thinks that you are “boring” if you don’t go out, but you must ask yourself, are they really all that fun if the only way they can enjoy themselves is by drinking themselves into oblivion?

Clubbing is a big part of university culture, there’s no denying it. But the great thing that I have learned is that it is not the only part of it. You will meet people from all over the country and even the world who have different interests, and there are so many opportunities available to you. Now is the time to learn a new skill, pick up a new sport or hobby and explore your interests. I started to learn yoga, which is now my go-to if I’m feeling low; it makes me feel amazing. Most importantly, you are here to get a degree, to learn and to grow as a person. If you are feeling isolated because you don’t enjoy going out, just know you are not alone and there are people who feel the exact same as you, but they are just not speaking out about it; but most importantly that does not make you any less of a person than anyone else. Embrace it and start filling your time with things you truly enjoy.

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The pressure of first year having to be the “best” year of your life

Hope shares her top tips on how to battle your first year of University alongside recovering from an eating disorder.

                                                                                                                                  -Hope

When you hear about fresher’s week and the whole university experience it is named as the best years of your life. The pressure is on. You have to have an amazing time. Drink lots. Go out all the time. Make friends and look amazing 24/7… the list is endless but in reality is this the case? And what is it like if you have a mental health problem at university? Does that make you different?

I spent my last year at school living in an adolescent mental health hospital. That was not how I, as an 18-year-old sociable girl wanted to spend my life. I missed out on holidays, legal nights out with not having to sneak in to clubs and the upper sixth form experience. I got discharged a week before University term began having done my exams in hospital. I knew not everyone was happy with me heading straight to University but I knew I had to. One of my motivations to get well was to go to University. My anorexia had already caused me to miss out on so much so I didn’t want to miss out on anything else.

I was terrified about getting unwell again and maybe that fear is what kept me well. I knew I didn’t want to have to drop out of University so I kept fighting. I fought through those days when I wanted to give up, I found strength in surrounding myself with friends and I stayed strong. That might seem terrifying to you but it is so worth it. It wasn’t an easy ride that first year. There was the usual university pressure but add to that nights of feeling huge, the unpredictable meals out and the drinking. But I did it and I am so pleased that I did. I wanted to share with you some advice that kept me going and kept me well whilst at University.

Don’t be embarrassed about having a mental health problem - If you get the offer of support use it – in my first year, I was offered the chance to attend an outpatients eating disorder clinic. I chose not to. I felt like it was too much effort and I didn’t like the lady very much but because I didn’t use it, it meant I relied a lot more on my friends and family to support me. This worked for me as I was lucky they were all there for me but if it is offered try it and see if it works for you.

Have people accountable to talk to – I was very lucky as in my first week or so I told Emily and Nikki (my two new friends at University.) They were great and it has been good talking to them both looking back. Recently Emily commented on how much better I seemed and how proud she was of me. It meant so much to me and made me realise how lucky I was to have her as a friend. She put up with my funny eating habits and my rigid eating times. And she was there when I needed that little extra support to get food.

Be honest with yourself even if you can’t be with others – this is so hard I know that. And I still at times find it hard to be honest with myself but you have to be. If you are having a bad time, struggling to eat, exercising too much - challenge yourself. Yes, at first, it is scary coming out of that comfort zone but it is well worth it.

Don’t be afraid to go back to a rigid eating plan – when I was in hospital we stuck to a strict eating plan. This kept me well, helped me put on weight at university. And this was what I fell back on when things got tough. It doesn’t mean you have failed if you start eating easier foods again it just means you are finding new ways to fight it.

Try and think logically – I have very low self-esteem and spent much of university feeling huge. I would look in the mirror and see a fat whale like figure staring back at me. But in reality this wasn’t me. And you need to try and keep yourself in check. Try and ignore the voices that knock you down. They aren’t speaking the truth and surround yourself with people that value you. If you stick with it, it gets better and easier. I have far less fat days now than I used to and if I had let those days take control of me it would definitely not have been worth it.

Stay strong and keep talking – this is essential and I urge you to do this. Life is so much better when you fight your mental health problems and don’t let it suck you back in. I know from my experience with anorexia this can be hard but it is definitely worth it. Without anorexia in my life I have more energy, can have normal relationships, I can eat out more, I am so much more relaxed and I haven’t got this battle going on in my head constantly. Yes, it isn’t always easy but it is worth it.

For more information on understanding eating disorders, click here.

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University Life with OCD

Natasha writes about how she battled through her OCD whilst at University.

                                                                                                                    -Natasha Neary

Being a student is hard enough without having to deal with the added struggles that come with poor mental health – in my case, OCD. Looking back on my experiences, I wish that I’d have done things differently when it came to taking care of myself. However, now things are on track and I thought I’d share my story of living with OCD as an undergraduate student.

From what I remember, I began to develop signs of OCD as soon as I entered my first year of college. I had no idea what OCD was at this stage and so I just trundled along, confused and anxious, somehow able to get through another three years of education.

Things became a lot harder with the prospect of starting university just around the corner. I moved away from home, away from my friends and family, and thanks to my anxiety that tags along with OCD I started to feel lonely, scared and at a total loss. It was at this stage that my symptoms became more apparent and a family friend eventually sat me down and told me that it was possible that I had OCD. After doing some research, things suddenly became clear as I found a reason for my behaviours.

However, I still struggled – a lot – during university. I tried to seek help from my GP, but unfortunately my illness wasn’t taken seriously and I completely shut myself off. I rarely talked about my problems so even my closest friends didn’t know what was going on. I confined my OCD to the tiny little room I had in halls of residence and became fixated with my rituals. Then, slowly but surely, my anxiety grew. My thoughts became scarier, and my mind continued to believe that if I kept doing the rituals (which also got worse) then everything would be fine.

Now, having all of this going on when trying to complete my weekly seminar work, meet deadlines and have somewhat of a social life was often just too much. I was exhausted. Every assignment would result in a breakdown of tears, self-loathing, and feelings of not being able to do this (the work that is). And when I say every assignment, I do mean every…single…one. You do think that it would be easier to quit at this stage, but I needed to do this. My future career depended on it and I would not let my OCD stop me.

I suppose what I want people to take away from this brief insight into my undergraduate study is this: doing a degree is hard. Doing a degree with a mental illness feels 100x times harder. However, persevering is worth it. There will be many times when you feel so exhausted that you just want to throw in the towel and walk away, yet something keeps you going. In a way, I do think my OCD was a part of this. The fear and anxiety that accompanied the thoughts of failing was so strong that completing every assignment became a ritual in itself – and to reach the goal of finishing my degree, I felt that this was ok. I dragged myself, kicking and screaming, to the end and completed my BA with the highest award I could get. And as I did this with the added struggles of OCD, I felt proud.

However, looking back now, I do wish that I had done things differently. Yes, I got through my undergraduate degree, an MA, and now I’m dragging myself through a PhD, yet I only realise now that it didn’t need to be so difficult. There have been a lot of lows, even a lot of highs, and in my future blog posts I’ll share with you some of the deeper details of my experiences and impart some of the advice I wish I had been given at the start of my journey to recovery.

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Why going to a LGBT-friendly university was so important for my mental health

A Student Minds volunteer writes about her experience of coming out at university, and the importance of finding support that works for you. 

Going to university

I came out to friends just before I went to university and luckily most of them were really supportive - many of them had already guessed anyway. I had told my mum, though she didn’t quite believe me yet and was uncomfortable about the whole thing. As for my dad, making jokes about gay people was one of his pastimes, so I was far too scared to tell him. In a way I was happy to leave home so I could be the person I wanted to be without those pressures.

Meeting people who made me feel comfortable

In my first few terms of university it was actually quite difficult to know when I should tell people I was gay. I still felt a little uneasy and wanted people to get to know me for who I was before I got labelled as a lesbian. It was awkward when I was trying to make friends, especially when I got invited to a girly films and pizza night. Everyone was talking about the guys they fancied in the college. I felt so out of place and isolated because I thought I’d shock the room to a halt if I started talking about the women I liked. But soon enough I found people I did want to be friends with. The course mate that hit on me during fresher’s week became my best mate and I got involved with the LGBT group and made friends through their socials. Pretty soon everyone just sort of knew. In time, I lost the feeling that I needed to explain myself to everyone I met and just let people guess through the pronouns I used and the stories I told.

Going back home to family was challenging

The hardest bit was going back home for the holidays, and knowing whether or not to tell family I had a girlfriend or whether she might even be able to visit. I had a couple of girlfriends at uni and both of their parents were really welcoming. But this made me feel guilty and upset that my mum was more awkward and I couldn’t introduce them to my dad. My mum did let me have girlfriends stay, and even tried to talk to them for a bit, but it was incredibly tense and I knew it would have been completely different if it was a boyfriend I was bringing home. I eventually told my dad too, and the way he reacted I would never want to have introduced him to a girlfriend.

Feeling unaccepted by my parents was one of the major stresses (among others) which contributed to me having a number of breakdowns. There was self harm, suicidal thoughts, self-destructive behaviour, and constantly telling myself I was a “selfish arsehole”. I drank myself through university, and used sex and alcohol to legitimise myself.

But this year things started to get better. I went to counselling and realised I needed to talk to my parents. As I became more comfortable in myself I grew the confidence to talk to them and tell my parents how their actions made me feel. It turned out they were actually both quite ashamed about how they reacted and it took a series of conversations and most importantly timeto clear the air. Now I can talk to my parents about girlfriends or LGBT related things and it feels okay. This year my mum even got involved in Pride and I would now be quite happy to introduce someone to my dad should the time come.

LGBT-friendly university settings are important

I’m not going to lie: There is still discrimination about being LGBT. People occasionally shout at you in the street. People might ask you to stop kissing your partner because they think it’s more important they’re not offended than for you to exercise your human rights. But university was generally a supportive and liberal environment for me to come out in, and that was so important. I was surrounded by like-minded people and friends who I could vent to and even laugh about any injustices that still sadly exist. And it was this which gave me the confidence to be myself, to be comfortable enough with who I am to have those much needed conversations with family or friends back home. And these supportive networks still exist after university; the movement to reduce stigma around LGBT issues is an inspiring thing to be a part of, and becomes a support in itself.

I have written this anonymously for my parents' sake because they have really have worked to challenge their initial prejudices over the years. ​

At Student Minds we recognise that the student LGBTQ+ community can be under-represented at times and may be at risk of experiencing mental health difficulties at university. 

If you would like to find out more, or find further support you can find more on our LGBTQ+ webpage.

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Freshers' Week for a tee-totaler

Cecilia writes about how she dealt with university life when her tee-totalism was causing her to be singled out

                                                                                                                               -Cecilia

I knew university wasn’t going to be like the way it’s portrayed in the films.

You know, the Pitch Perfect, Legally Blonde situation where you get accepted for who you are, somehow get on Dean’s List without doing any work and end up kissing someone amazingly hot during the closing song. That’s not the way life works, I get that.

But if you had told me that university was going to be bleak and nasty as it was, I probably would have begged my parents not to make me go, and I would have joined a convent….in Tibet.

I knew that university was going to be particularly hard for me. I’ve always been slightly out of step, bullying being a constant chorus in the musical that is “The Life of Cecilia”. But I thought at university, at least that would stop - we’re all adults now, right? We might not like each other, but we wouldn’t treat each other badly…would we?

My main issue was the fact that, at 18 years old, I was a tee-total. I know, odd. But I had my reasons, personal ones that I don’t have to share with anyone. I had never drunk so much as a unit of alcohol before moving to university. I knew the five girls I was going to be moving in with would think that was very strange and might have some questions, but that would be it. Sure, we might not become BFFs, but I was fine with that. We just had to get along.

I hoped to hide in my boringness, my anonymity. I was the court jester of our flat, ridiculed and insulted. I was ostracised, treated like a second class citizen and made to feel like a prisoner who had committed some terrible offence. It wasn’t like the school bullying, I didn’t get to go home at the end of the day, curl up on my bed and watch ‘Friends’. I had to live with them as they whispered whenever I left a room. Eat with them while they side-eyed each other whenever I said anything. Go to lectures with them while they texted each other about me. All because of the type of liquid I chose not to put into my body, something that didn’t even affect them. Please understand, I had no problem with other people drinking, I wasn’t preaching in the slightest, it just wasn’t for me - the same way some people don’t eat meat or don’t smoke. So why was it such a bit deal? My only possible explanation was that humans hate what is different.

At university I was meant to be free, but I was trapped. I was meant to be living my life to the full, but I was just existing by this point.

The saddest part of it all wasn’t losing my friends. It was losing me. I started to believe all the things they thought about me, began to question all my basic beliefs and values. Began to hate the very person I was. That self-hatred led to a deep, dark pit depression and regret, something I told no one about. Even now, three years later, it’s really hard to admit, which I know it shouldn’t be.

So I moved out. I begged a room out of the university and with the help of a couple of amazing friends, slammed the door on that part of my life for good. It took a good while, years really, but I began to feel again. I eventually got help and went on anti-depressants and went to mental health classes. I surrounded myself with the people who I loved and loved me back, and things got easier.

Thing is, I know I started this by saying I knew life isn’t like films. But I have been accepted for who I am, I just had to find the right people. I have been on Dean’s List every year, I just had to do the work. Ending up with the perfect guy? A few mis-steps later, I’m still working on that, but that’s okay. Because I’m so happy now.

So my advice to lonely Fresher’s? Hang on in there. Stay strong. First it hurts, then it gets better, then it feels like freedom. Talk to someone, even an anonymous voice on the end of a helpline. Get fresh air. Eat. Go to your lectures. Find good people, don’t settle. Accept yourself. I got through, you can.

For more information on starting university, click here.

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Freshers’ Week, for the anxious introvert

Caitlin shares her experience as a fresher at university, and offers some advice to anyone feeling the same way.

-Caitlin Bracken

If I’m honest, with the struggle I was having at the end of my A-levels, for me to get to uni – my first-choice, and with flying colours too – was nothing short of a miracle. I’m now studying for the course I’ve always wanted to do, among people who are like me (although not exactly like me, for reasons you’ll soon be reading) for the first time. We’re all heading in the same direction, and it’s great. Things are going so well, now that my course has started, and the hell of Freshers’ is over (sorry, to those of you who found it exhilarating; a sacred time to forge new relationships!).

Before I moved in, I thought (perhaps naively) that during Freshers’ week it would be easy to find my fellow non-partygoers. Evidently, I didn’t think this through, because I conveniently forgot to factor in some pretty important factors:

• All the non-partygoers are probably a little like me, in that they’d rather go to bed early (by uni standards at least) than spend all hours of the night and early morning in a club. Meaning that when the party crowd went out, we were never going to find each other!
• Having anxiety made me 102% unwilling to go out of my room when things were getting extremely rowdy and alcohol-fuelled, out on the corridor. And even less willing to try and find any new friends once things had finally quietened down. 

I also didn’t bank on not-drinking being the cardinal sin of starting university. I didn’t expect there to be so much social expectation to drink. I suppose I was being naïve when I imagined it would be a simple task to find the people who weren’t drinking. It was nigh on impossible – in fact I didn’t find another person like me in this sense until my course started, a full nine days after I moved into Halls.  Student drinking culture wasn’t something that I thought I would find so intimidating! 

Surprisingly, it wasn’t the first night but the second that I found the hardest. I felt like the only person on campus, which I know was only the musing of an anxious mind, but that didn’t make the thought any less real at the time. It was the first time I’d felt truly lonely. I remember pacing the length of my long corridor from one end to the other, feeling like my chest was on fire. I’d have done anything to keep on walking til I was home. But as usual, the rational part of my brain took over and led me back to my room behind the safety of a locked door, with a cup of tea and a hot water bottle. 

I made it through Freshers’ quite independently, as is too often the case with mattes of mental health, my own especially. I did a lot of reading, I continued making sock monkeys (because it’s what I do best and is my favourite therapeutic activity), and I enjoyed the peace of early morning, when my flatmates were mostly still asleep.

I don’t want it to be a negative post, a moan about how much I’ve struggled at university to juggle my mental health with transitioning to a new life. Nor do I want to condemn the people who live Freshers’ Week to the fullest and take every event as a new socialising experience. If I was a drinker, I probably wouldn’t say no to £1 shots either. I don’t know if I did Freshers’ wrong, or just differently to the vast, vast majority. But there have been some excellent perks too, such as assembling an Ikea flat pack at half past ten in the evening, with a new friend and very limited instructions (possibly the best “icebreaker” I did all week), meeting my course tutors who reminded me of some of my most supportive sixth form teachers and were even more inspiring, if that’s possible, and discovering the education stack in the campus library.

Coming to uni was without doubt the best thing I’ve ever done – my confidence has skyrocketed and my anxiety, for the most part, has been under strict control. I just wish that my Freshers’ experience hadn’t been so… introverted. Am I wishing I was different? I’m not sure. I don’t think I’d like to swap places with people who partied until dawn and got on the wrong side of their tutors from day one for missing important induction lectures! Maybe what I’m wishing for is that I hadn’t been so afraid to open up and come clean about myself, and perhaps find like-minded people across the campus much sooner. 

The rational part of my brain is back, the one which reminded me to go back to bed on that difficult, anxious night when I needed to cope by myself; and I did cope, so that’s okay. It wasn’t the total disaster of a night I first saw it as. 

In a piece like this, I feel like I should be giving some kind of advice. I’m not built for this, forgive me if I’m too wordy or too boring. I think for first years like me, the best advice I could give would be to step out of your comfort zone earlier. Despite how intimidating it may feel, open up and find the people who don’t want to drink and dance until morning. Perhaps find the #BestNightIn posts a little earlier than I did, and reassure yourself that even in your little room, in an apparently empty Hall of Residence when it seems like the world is partying without you, you are not alone. 

(And definitely complain if the heating isn’t on and your building is cold!). 

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