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Showing posts with label Recovery. Show all posts

Why seeking help now is vital

A positive message about seeking help at university (from experience), and why you shouldn't give up on your dreams.

- Mai Behmber

Hi, reader! My name is Mai, I am a bioscience student at Swansea University, and this is my story of how I attempted to make my way through university without seeking help to manage my mental illness.

From as far back as I can remember, I have had an obsession with the sea and all its creatures. I have killer whale, dolphin and even octopus cuddly toys from when I was little, and more books about the sea than I can count. But I have also, for many years, experienced a heaviness that I couldn’t quite explain. I can only say that it feels like a black hole in my chest that varies daily in size. Some days, it completely sucks me in, and all I can do is lie helplessly in bed. Other days, it’s tiny and barely noticeable. The black hole was still very much with me when I started university in September 2016. I was, as I am now, on a foundation biology course to then go on to do a degree in marine biology. In doing this, I am working towards my lifelong goal of becoming a marine biologist.

Before coming to university, I had been in treatment for a year trying to recover from my undiagnosed mental illness. However, about a month in, and a second medication change later, I stopped attending lectures as my paranoia grew worse and the black hole became completely overwhelming. I felt scared and alone. My thoughts were no longer safe, and I couldn’t escape to dreamland as my mind felt plagued. Instead of reaching out for help, I tried to combat it myself. I didn’t open up to my parents, I didn’t seek counselling. All I did was ask for another medication change. Although being on the correct medication is an important step to some people’s recovery, it isn’t complete without the help of your family, friends and professionals.

Halfway through the academic year, the head of course called me in and told me that the university felt it was best for me to suspend my studies, and to try again the following year. At first, I was devastated. I thought I had messed up my future and my dream career. Thinking about not going to university made me feel like I had no future. Then the university let me know that they had no doubt about me being able to achieve getting my degree. This gave me hope that I still had a shot at getting everything I ever wanted.

Suspending was the best decision that could possibly have been made, as it gave me a chance to seek the help I truly needed. During the six months away from university, I managed to find the right combination of medication and counselling with the help of my family.

I have restarted the foundation year and I couldn’t be doing better. My grades are great, my attendance is what it should be, my family are in the know with what is going on in my head, and the university have, in the best way possible, wrapped me in bubble wrap. It feels as if the black hole is still there but other people are helping me keep it manageable. There’s no way I can fall backwards without someone catching me, and for the first time in years I feel confident and supported. I am overwhelmed with the support I have been able to get from the university. I couldn’t be in a safer place.

Hi, I’m Mai! I am a bioscience student at Swansea University, and suffer from an undiagnosed mental illness. I wanted to write a blog for Student Minds to let students know that they’re not alone in

their difficulties.

Travelling with Stress and Depression: 5 tips on making beautiful memories

in: Advice Depression Family and Friends Looking after yourself mental health Recovery Self Care self-help Stress stress awareness week student travelling

Zahra provides her top 5 tips on how to make the most of travelling when you're dealing with stress and depression.

- Zahra Rahman

Travelling is a great way to learn about new cultures, foods and people. It might not magically cure you of the negative feelings in your life, but it is a great experience and can help you take a break and gain some perspective. As a sufferer of depression, I have a few tips that may help you look on the brighter side of travelling and that will also, hopefully, give you the encouragement to travel if you haven’t before!

1) Plan ahead

A drastic change – even a positive one – taking place without any planning can be extremely daunting, so do as much research as you can before you go. Check the FCO website for any travel updates, research where the nearest pharmacy or doctor is, locate the beaches, pack your EHIC card and buy some travel insurance. Having an FCO travellers’ checklist to hand is a great way to help you before you set off.

2) Take your closest friend or family member – or both!

Travelling solo can be an amazing; you can learn a lot about yourself and have a completely different experience. However, if that’s just too big at this stage in your life then it’s fine to save that trip for another time. Having a close friend with you when travelling means you have someone to support you, as well as sharing your excitement and experience. They’ll probably even make things more exciting for you!

3) Build confidence

Being away from home is a great time to try out new things and venture outside of your comfort zone. You never know, that confidence you build abroad might even stay once you return home. That’s not to say that you should aim to come back from a trip as a completely different person; learn to love yourself for who you are and take steps to build a better version of you.

4) Don’t just go to the tourist parts

I have been to Turkey twice so far. The first time I went to Bodrum, which was a great holiday but obviously a tourist spot; restaurants served “English Breakfasts” and all the music in the bazaars were American pop songs.

The second time I did a road trip around all of Turkey, which was amazing. However, one thing hit me hard: I saw two boys aged between 5-8 years old, begging for money on the metro. The younger boy had a bandage over his eye and looked so, so tired. His older brother was dragging him along the carriage, scared of losing him.
This broke my heart, but also began to fix me. I realised that I may have some negatives in my life that stress me out, but I am not in the position of those children. These kids are struggling to stay alive.
Seeing tragedies sometimes hits your own reality hard, but gives your mental health a positive effect.

5) Take photos and videos: Be trigger happy on the camera!

Don’t worry, you don’t need to be a professional photographer or have a top end DSLR to do this. Whatever pictures and videos you take are just for you, to remember the amazing time you had, how you grew as a person and how that country was a part of it. Looking at your memories will pick you up on a bad day and will get you planning your next holiday. And you never know, one day you will be that solo traveller!

You can follow the FCO on Facebook and Twitter @FCOtravel and on Instagram under @ukforeignoffice for further information and travel safety advice.

Hi! My name is Zahra Rahman and I am a Digital Media Student at the University of Brighton. I love laughing, travelling, food, Bollywood and getting involved with charities that help vulnerable people across the world. The one thing I say to myself when things get tough is, "This is happening for a good reason". Stay positive and keep smiling!

How to: Navigate Uni with a Dissociative Disorder

in: Anxiety Bereavement Counselling Depression Dissociative Disorder Family and Friends First Year (Freshers) Holidays mental health Recovery university

Recognising mental illness at university can be hard. Especially, as with dissociative disorders, they aren't talked about very often.

-Elise Jackson

University is undoubtedly amazing. However, getting through the first year can be a challenge for many. Moving away from everything that is familiar, meeting a diverse array of completely new people and having to adapt to an entirely new way of learning is not easy, to say the least. For me, the summer before I started university was the hardest of my life. I lost a lot. My mum had moved half way across the country, my family sold the only home I’d ever known and my friends, destined for universities up and down the country, had to say goodbye. This summer of loss was made only more difficult, by a previous, truly world shattering, loss that occurred during my A-level exams. Four days before my 18th birthday, I lost my big brother to SUDEP (Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy). It was one week before his 22nd birthday. We came to terms with it somehow but grieving whilst simultaneously moving house, sitting A-level exams and leaving home for the first time to embark on my new student life, unsurprisingly, proved difficult.

I struggled. Within two days of being at university, my parents had phoned the university to help me get some support. I was in the counseling service before the end of Freshers. The counselors were brilliant, very understanding, informed, and acted immediately. Thankfully, when I had settled in, things got better fast. My entire block of fellow first years was super sociable. We spent a lot of time living as one huge flat. I was also lucky enough to have one of my best friends from home living two blocks down. Between my block and his flat, housing for second year was sorted by mid-November. Things were going well so I stopped going to counseling.

But.

The thing about mental health is that it can fluctuate, it's somewhat unpredictable. Around February time I had to return my mum's new home in Norfolk for a few days because I felt... wrong. At the time, I thought it was exhaustion and decided a few days at home would solve it. And it did, for a little while. These short periods of what I can only describe as fogginess came to every couple of months but always passed within a week or so. Exams came and went and summer returned.

During summer, I’m often between places. I usually choose to spend most of the holiday period in Sussex as it is where the majority of my friends are. It also means I can be close to my dad’s family. Reflecting on that first summer of University, I think I must have felt it coming to some extent but not really acknowledged it. I went to stay in Norfolk and something hit me like a tidal wave. This time, I was forced to realize that something was going on in my brain that couldn’t be simply solved by a week at home. I lived for a month feeling like I wasn’t in my own body. I felt I was watching life through a hazy screen. Eventually, I found out that I was suffering from DPD (depersonalization disorder), triggered by depression.

When I returned to uni, I found out about Student Minds and began volunteering for them. I decided I needed to take control of my own brain. My mental health still fluctuates a lot. I’ll often be feeling fine and then become unwell for a few months. Learning how to deal with this has been the biggest challenge of my second year. Dissociative disorders are not often talked about nor are they well researched. During a relapse, I feel drunk all the time or like a robot who can’t feel anything under the surface. Knowing that there are ways to reconnect with your body is the most important thing. I practice mindfulness, meditation and yoga to stay connected to my body and remain grounded. I intend to return to counseling. But as always, more needs to be done, but I remain optimistic that it will.

Hello! I'm Elise. I'm currently in my final year studying English Language and Literature at the University of Nottingham. My writings for Student Minds will range from pieces about depression and DPD to coping with loss, bereavement and change during your studies - all the while remaining mindful and getting the most out of university life. Thanks for reading!

It Gets Brighter

in: Anxiety Depression Recovery

Rebecca re-visits an old blog she wrote for Student Minds and reflects on the progress she’s made in the past two years - proving that it does get brighter.

- Rebecca Down

Depression tells me that if I died, it would be fairly inconsequential. People would move on with their lives perfectly okay without me. The world wouldn’t miss me. The only thing that keeps me here is the hope that if I stay around, I might be able to prove it wrong; I might be able to achieve things that make myself proud, and I might be able to reach out and give back to my family and friends some of the love, encouragement and faith that they have given to me. Where there’s life, there’s hope. That’s depression’s weakness. That’s what I’ll use to defeat it. And those are the days I’ll live for.

- April 2015

http://studentmindsorg.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/a-portrait-of-anxiety-and-depression.html

A couple of weeks ago I was looking through old documents on my laptop. Inside a folder I’d left unopened for almost two years was a copy of a blog post I submitted to Student Minds and Students Against Depression in early 2015 – A Portrait of Anxiety and Depression. I’d written this post in the second term of my second year at university, and just a few months before I’d made the decision to defer my studies for a year in order to recover from a depressive episode. At the time of writing, I would never have believed that the world I am living in now – the world I was clinging on to life for – would actually exist.

Two years on from that post being published, I am back at university and successfully balancing the demands of my course with a happy social life and time spent pursuing projects outside my academic studies. I have re-established my sociable, motivated identity, my sense of self-worth, and I’ve gained the ability to cope with my illnesses so that they no longer dominate my life.

I can’t say exactly what it was that allowed me to recover – it took a combination of hard work, patience and practice to challenge my thoughts and gradually change my perspective. At times I felt hopeless and my efforts seemed futile, but I was continually encouraged to try new things, break out of comfort zone and keep myself going. During my year away from university I found a part-time job in a primary school which gave me the structure I needed to use the time productively. At weekends I travelled around the country visiting friends, or exploring new places with my camera.

For the same reason, I expect, that people are changed by journeying to different continents and experiencing different cultures, I found that paying attention to the lives and work of others around me allowed my mind to break out of the restraints that depression had created. Undoubtedly one of the most important reasons for my recovery was the love and support that I received from some truly exceptional friends and boyfriend. Opening up to them has been one of the very best things I’ve done for myself, and it's something I will always be extremely grateful to them for.

Even after two incredibly challenging years, I wouldn't choose to go back and change my experience. I am grateful for its lessons, I am grateful for the way it has shaped me, and I am grateful for the clarity it's given to my view of my life. I now have a much better awareness of the values I hold and the things that I want to achieve, and have a much better ability to embrace and confront new challenges.

In many ways, I consider my period of illness a necessary lesson that prevented me from following a path of endless self-hatred and unhappiness. I have learnt that life does not abide by a ‘one size fits all’ philosophy, that perfection does not exist, and that there is no defined way to be – the best thing you can do is to simply be yourself. For two dark and dreary years I lost myself, but now my identity is stronger than ever and my biggest struggles have become my greatest gift. It does get brighter.

A checklist for when you're feeling anxious

in: Anxiety Finding support Recovery

Abi writes about her anxiety and provides top tips to follow to try and lift your mood when struggling with your mental health.

-Abi

Not everyone has a mental health problem, but everyone has mental health.

As a psychology student and a volunteer for Student Minds, you would think that the above statement would be obvious to me; the concept underlying a large part of my life, from what I study to what I do in my spare time. However, when I saw this I had a realisation: that whilst 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health problem each year, every single one of us has mental health, which is as equally important to maintain as physical health.

Though I’ve never had a mental health problem as such, I noticed symptoms of social anxiety when I joined secondary school. If I was asked to speak in front of the class, or had to talk to anyone outside of my regular social circle, my heart would race, my breath shorten and the whole room would feel like it was closing in on me. Luckily, as a result of forcing myself to talk to people outside of my social circle, and growing more confident as I grew older, social situations rarely phase me now, and I rarely feel anxious.

However, if I’ve been super busy, and neglected to take care of myself (mentally and physically), the feelings of anxiety come creeping back. I’ll wake up feeling overly emotional for no reason, and the thought of doing day-to-day tasks or seeing my friends, will bring on shortness of breath and dizziness.

This is totally normal - according to the Mental Health Foundation, the one-week prevalence of generalised anxiety in England is 6.6%. Many more people experience ‘down’ days or weeks, often caused by seemingly unexplained reasons, but sometimes brought on by a stressful life event, such as loss/bereavement, relationship problems, or stress at work or education.

Therefore, it is important that you know how to make yourself feel better, if these feelings should arise. My go to checklist for when I’m feeling anxious is as follows:

Ring my mum.
My mum is my biggest supporter, and she gives the best pep talks. We have a special code word that I can tell her if I’m feeling anxious and she’ll be “sympathetic mum”, rather than telling me I’m being an idiot for panicking over the tiny things. Know who your support network is, and don’t be afraid to tell them what you’re feeling.

Look after myself physically.
A good sweaty gym session (although taking a lot of self-motivation to get myself there) always makes me feel better. Exercise has been proven to lift your mood due to the release of endorphins, and often the focus of a workout distracts my brain from what I’m worrying about.

Write down what you’re feeling.
Sometimes just acknowledging how you’re feeling, and writing whatever you want without feeling judged, can be a great way to lift your mood.

Go see your friends.
Even if your friends don’t know how you’re feeling, they will often make you feel better, and by pretending you’re okay, sometimes means you feel better naturally.

Equally, allow yourself some alone time.
Sometimes all I need is an evening on my own, watching Netflix and doing some serious life admin, and then I feel better - it all depends on the person.

Treat yourself.
Whether its buying yourself a magazine, or doing a face mask, or making something nice for dinner - its normally the little things that make you feel better about yourself, as sometimes splurging on shopping just makes you feel worse/more anxious. But you deserve to be treated and little treats can remind you of your self-worth.

So why not, next time you’re feeling down or anxious, try some of the things on the list - or make your own personal list and keep it somewhere safe, to look at it for reference, when you’re not sure how to make yourself feel better. Remember, self-care is not selfish, and your mental wellbeing is just as important to look after as your physical health.

If feelings of low mood and anxiety persist, then consider visiting your local GP, or contact services such as Student Minds, Samaritans or Nightline.

Accepting help, despite thinking you don't need it

in: Anxiety Finding support First Year (Freshers) Recovery

Caitlin writes about her time at University, as she put her mental health first and accepted the help surrounding her.

- Caitlin

It all went a bit wrong for me, about a week ago. I should have noticed myself, really, that my old ways were coming back. It should have been my canary in the coal mine, when two people asked me if I was okay, in the same afternoon. I didn’t want to accept that I was losing control again.

Perhaps it’s the freedom of being at university that allowed me to lose control at all. I felt much the same as I had through my A-levels, my reference point for all things mental health. I was inexcusably nervous over the smallest thing, like sitting on the front row in class (which had been, at one point, my coping mechanism, but clearly not this time). My hands were shaking all over the show, embarrassingly, so it was easy to fall back on how I would sit on placement, with “hands in a basket” (if you’re unfamiliar with this, it’s what teachers sometimes tell children who can’t stop fidgeting. It’s also what my head of sixth form told me, when I was preparing for university interviews). I could feel my words drying up, like a tap being switched off. I became a wallflower, in spectacular fashion, finding it easier to observe rather than participate. In school, on placement, I didn’t have the time or the headspace to allow my mental health to creep in, at least, not in the presence of the children. I know that I must have been a nightmare of a placement partner sometimes. Strict routines in a primary school are really good for me. General freedom and loose routines at university - not so much.

For someone who hadn’t had much experience with mental health, accepting that I needed help felt impossible. Why couldn’t I just get on with things and be normal? Why was it such a big deal to cope with everyday, menial tasks?

So I’ve spent a week at home, which at first felt like the biggest confession I’ve ever made to my brain. I’ve skipped a lesson, a couple of days, but never a week.

Fast-forward, and the fog is lifting. It’s not as dark. My mum (my magical, superhuman mum) says I’ve come back out of my head, and that’s how she knows I’m getting better. She means that I went quiet for a while, just sort of floating through life. And now it’s like I’ve come back up for air; started living again. I’ve started noticing things, and began making my own happiness. I’ve made more progress on my novel in this last few days than I have in months.

This is probably aided by my new medication, two new boxes of pills trying to curb the sharp edges of my anxiety, and soften the blow of mild depression. But I’ve also found it to be just the way my brain works. It’s hard to remember this, in the depth of an intensely low period, but as a rule, there’s always a reprieve, a high after a low. As bad as things were before, they always seem to come around eventually. Even when I was an absolute train wreck, in a very anxious French lesson, I could usually (usually!) find something to smile about afterwards, even if it was only the peculiarity of a French novel about a hunchbacked, madman of a rabbit farmer (not even joking.)

In a roundabout sort of way, I think what I’m trying to say here, is that things will always get better. When things have stopped going wrong, there’s only one other way for them to go. You have to get yourself up somehow, dust yourself down (as I’m writing this, I’m imagining Amanda Thripp, the girl who was thrown by her pigtails in Matilda) and pick up where you left off. Even if that means checking your university portal with horror, trying to work out where to start with catching up. There’s a quote that I always find myself returning to, that seems quite apt here.

“You wake up every morning to fight the same demons that left you so tired the night before, and that, my love, is bravery.”

We’re all just fighting the same demons over and over again. Scary stuff. Catching up lecture notes? Easy peasy, in comparison.

(As an extra note, I have another quote that I like, that sometimes is easier to relate to! “I’m just going to put an Out of Order sticker on my forehead and call it a day.”)

Recovering your Identity from Anorexia

in: Anorexia Eating Disorders Finding support Recovery

After years of living with in the bubble of an eating disorder, Chloe lost sight of her life beyond the illness. Here, she reflects on the process of recovering her identity....

- Chloe

Only a few years ago, I was anorexia.

My life revolved around food, exercise, calories and weight. Losing weight was the only goal I strived for and the one thing that made me 'happy'. I completely lost myself to the eating disorder. I was no longer the bubbly, happy, chatty and fun little girl I had been. I was no longer Chloe; I was anorexia.

During this time, I spent less and less time at school due to my ill health. Consequently, I began to lose the few friends that had stuck by me. I'd always decline offers to go out, for fear that food might be involved. My bedroom was my comfort zone, where I would exercise in secret - it was a place that belonged to my eating disorder.

When I was forced into recovery by doctors and nurses, I was terrified. I was scared of the food, weight gain and hospital walls around me. However, what I feared most was losing 'anorexia'; the illness had become so entangled with my identity, I didn't know who Chloe was anymore. As much as I hated being known as "the girl with the eating disorder", I convinced myself that this was better than having no personality at all.

I hated myself for the worry I was causing my family, yet their concern about me made me feel loved and wanted - something which anorexia tried to tell me I was not. I needed support and I felt that losing my eating disorder would leave me with no help at all. I feared the misconception that physical progress is the same as mental progress; that, because I was gaining weight, I was completely fine.

During my hospital admission, I felt more anxious than ever before; however, because my weight was improving I didn't believe I could admit these struggles. For so long, I convinced myself that anorexia was a safety blanket, which told the outside world I needed help. So what did I do? Despite all these fears and uncertainties, I powered on. I chose to trust in recovery.

It was the hardest fight I have ever faced, but I battled through the guilt and the tears and slowly but surely I returned to a healthy weight. Yet it was through my mental recovery, that my life became less about anorexia and more about Chloe. My thoughts around food, calories and weight were replaced with music, fashion and friends.

I could concentrate again, I laughed and I remembered how to have fun! I was getting my personality back and I realised that there is so much more to life. My fear of losing my identity vanished as I returned to the former bubbly, happy and fun girl I used to be.

Most importantly, I allowed myself to acknowledge my own bravery. Although a lot of people think eating is a completely natural thing to do, for me each bite was an achievement. As time went on I became stronger and and things became more manageable.

Furthermore, when I reached my target weight I continued to receive the help I needed, to guide me on my way to health and happiness. Now, 5 years later, I can say that I am so glad I chose recovery!

For more information on understanding Eating Disorders, click here.

Top tips for supporting a friend with an eating disorder

in: Anorexia Eating Disorders Family and Friends Finding support Giving support Opening up to friends Peer support Recovery

Chloe provides some top tips on how to be a supportive friend to someone going through the difficulties of an eating disorder.

- Chloe Murray

I have never had a friend going through an eating disorder. However, I have been that friend and I know what it’s like to have people worrying about you and trying to help. Here are some top tips for those of you with friends who are experiencing the difficulties of an eating disorder.

1. Make sure your friend knows that you're always there for them, no matter what.
They might not want to talk about their feelings but just knowing that you're supporting them is the best help there is!

2. Your friend might say things they don't mean.
They might distance themselves from you and not make an effort. In the depths of an eating disorder, nothing else matters other than getting thinner. Please be patient with them, it’s hard for them to be rational and to distinguish between their own thoughts and the thoughts of their eating disorder.

3. Your friend might lie about what they have or haven't eaten which can be frustrating.
They are only following the strict rules of their eating disorder and at times, for them, it can seem like lying is the easiest option. You have to understand that this isn't your friend talking, this is their eating disorder, which makes them do or say things they don't want to.

4. Try not to threaten them into eating.
My friends always used to threaten to "tell the teachers" if I ever skipped lunch at school in an attempt to make me eat. This just pushed me further away from them, leaving me feeling alone and unloved. At the end of the day it is down the sufferer to get better and the first step for them is wanting recovery.

5. Keep persevering. Please keep inviting them out. It can be frustrating if an invitation always gets declined. Your friend may find social activities difficult, especially if they involve food. It can be hard for them to escape their "comfort zone" and venture out from a routine in which they feel safe in. Don't give up! Your friend will probably feel guilty and left out for missing out on any social events and will hope to be included in future.

6. Don't treat them differently.
Your friend is not defined by their eating disorder. Although it may try to mask his/her former personality, they are still the same person they used to be. Recovering from an eating disorder is all about finding other things, other than losing weight that make you happy. You can help your friend realise all the other wonderful things in life that are worth fighting for!

7. Set a good example.
Try not to talk about weight/calories/food or exercise. It is easy for someone with an eating disorder to feel guilty. They often compare themselves to others and if they feel that eating more/exercising less than others that will cause excessive guilt and perhaps become jealous of you.

I'm sure it can be so hard to support a friend going through an eating disorder and I can assure you that it is so extremely difficult for them too. I was lucky enough to have a huge support network cheering me on in my recovery and it helps a great deal! I can honestly say, without my friends and family encouraging me and inspiring me daily, putting up with my tantrums and being patient with me, I'd still be consumed by anorexia. Recovery is possible, but it takes more than just the sufferer to fight!

For more information on how to find support, click here.

For more information on how to support a friend going through a metal health issue, click here.

Counselled to Counsellor: A Postgraduate student with OCD

in: Anxiety Counselling OCD Postgraduate study Recovery Therapy

Beth (memyselfnmentalhealth.wordpress.com) shares her personal mental health journey, and how she is managing her illness alongside embarking on a postgraduate course.

-Beth Hopkins

So, my name is Beth.

On paper, I’m a 22 year old Psychology Graduate with a lovely boyfriend and a supportive family. I spend about 90% of the time in fleecy PJ bottoms, have very high maintenance eyebrows and am an absolute cake addict. However, what many people don’t know about me is that I face a daily battle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and anxiety.

For those of you who don’t know, OCD is an anxiety disorder made up of obsessional thoughts. These obsessional thoughts cause the individual to carry out compulsions in an attempt to reduce the uneasy feeling. For example, with myself, I have a constant dread something awful is going to happen. When this unwelcome and, quite frankly, terrifying thought pops into my head, I find it far too difficult to just ignore. My brain tricks me into thinking if I don’t want this awful thing to happen, I must complete a routine to prevent it. It seems irrational even writing this down but the OCD makes it seem so real.

In my final year of university, the anxiety became too much for me to cope with. It spiralled into depression and I faced a really difficult few months. I find it fascinating when people can recall their experiences with depression through blog posts and autobiographies etc because I really cannot reflect nor can I vividly remember my own. When I look back on this period of my life, I see an empty, dark tunnel where time crept by slowly. Until, I eventually did find the exit.

It is my recovery from depression that I can remember. My family were the ones who encouraged me to seek help which I am so grateful for. At a time I wasn’t present myself, they were there to recognise this. I ended up being prescribed medication (sertraline) and received regular counselling, both of which helped me immensely. However, I do still have good and bad days. I don’t think my OCD will ever completely go, it’s something that will forever accompany me through life. But I’m still pushing on and I will not let it stop me. So take that.

It feels that now is the right time for me to begin to share my experiences about how I have dealt with mental health being such a massive part of my life. The help I have received for both depression and OCD has driven me to help others who are also struggling and I hope that I will be able to do that through continuing to share and write about my experiences. Alongside this, I have recently been accepted onto a Counselling Psychology masters which has started this week (eek!).

I hope to use my own personal blog, as well as my writing in general to share my journey of being an individual who has, and still does, receive help for their mental health difficulties to becoming a qualified Counsellor myself. I want to share my experience in the hope that other students also beginning an academic journey of sorts, who also have their own mental health problems, can relate and feel less alone.

We all need a helping hand sometimes: Having trust and loyalty through recovery

in: Anorexia Eating Disorders Family and Friends Finding support Opening up to friends Recovery

Chloe writes about how she and her boyfriend overcame her past of anorexia as she entered recovery with his trust and loyalty.

- Chloe Murray

My boyfriend is the most amazing person in the world. He's kind, loyal, trustworthy and understanding. I know I can tell him anything and trust that he will give the best advice or reassurance. His name is Elliot, and he has helped me in so many ways, yet he doesn't even realise.

I opened up to Elliot about my past with anorexia shortly after we starting seeing each other. At the time, I was still struggling with eating and my feelings. I felt guilty after food and I exercised because I had to, not because I wanted to. I was healthy physically, but not mentally. I figured Elliot would see through my picky eating habits and guess something wasn't quite right, so I told him before he did. Like a lot of people do, I was worried he'd judge me because of it. I didn't want to grow any more attached to him, only for Elliot to find out that I was a recovering anorexic to be a huge deal breaker. I was protecting myself more than anything, despite finding it extremely difficult to talk about my past. It was the first time I had talked about my eating disorder, apart from during my hospital stays.

To my surprise, Elliot didn't bat an eyelid when he found out. To him, it wasn't a big deal, he loved me none the less and thankfully he didn't ask difficult questions either. He was just so very understanding, and it didn't change anything between us like I feared it would. He didn't judge me at all, but I could sense his support. He'd always make sure I was happy with what he was cooking, asked me how I was and held my hand when he saw that I was struggling.

Elliot made things easier. Overtime, I became more comfortable opening up to him. He could read me like a book. There'd be nights when I couldn't sleep because I felt guilty or fat, and he'd always say something to comfort me and make everything better. Sometimes, all I needed to know was that he was on my side and that he loved me, something that anorexia tried to convince me wasn't possible - making me feel as though I was "too fat to be loved". But overtime, I realised that Elliot really did love me, and he chose to, not like family who have to. That made a big difference in my recovery, as I began to learn to love myself and look after myself. I began to enjoy exercising again and my diet began to vary. I started enjoying meals out instead of panicking beforehand. I had more energy and I was happier!

Having someone there for you is so extremely important - knowing you are loved and that you matter. We all need someone to turn to for help and guidance. I now believe that I am no long recovering from anorexia - I am recovered. I am no longer controlled by silly rituals, numbers, weights and boring routines. Through not just Elliot, but all my family and friends who have supported me, I can proudly say, I am free - I am no longer anorexia, I am just me!

For more support on understanding eating disorders, click here.

For more information on how to support a friend going through mental health issues, click here.

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