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Ella writes first-hand about her first counselling experience and the benefits she has encountered.

-Ella Garrett

Ever had someone read you like a book? One that is ‘well-thumbed’, loved and read over and over until you almost know it off by heart? That is pretty much how I felt after my first counselling session last week.

I was nervous. I had no idea what to expect; if I was going to be thought of as ‘well enough’ to not require a chat with a professional and whether I would find opening up to a stranger easy. These concerns weren’t massively far off. One of the first questions I was asked was whether I was “successful” last year. This threw me. I have seen many people who are academically successful suffer mentally – I would go so far to even suggest that sometimes the more academically successful you are, the more you are likely to have a mental health problem.

After this hurdle I was increasingly nervous about what was to come. This first meeting was an initial assessment, so it ultimately resulted in me providing her with a summary, rather than a synopsis, of my life. She provided brief interjections, pressed me for more information on difficult topics to discuss and went down the typical ‘counsellor’ type routes of questioning. Did my parents neglect me too much or love me too much? Did I have a strong support network? What did I want from counselling? I had no hobbies, so had I tried yoga?

Although I was slightly unimpressed with my lack of epiphany over the usual assessment questions, the session seemed to simultaneously provide clarity as well as completely scrambling my brain on things that I have held close to me my whole life. Where I had considered myself a ‘closed book’, hard to read, and mysterious about how I felt; this woman stomped all over that belief and summarised me very easily. Well, so much for that Bond style mystery! For starters, she immediately realised that I struggled with developing a balance in life, on many aspects, something that I had never connected myself. What previously had felt like doing a dot-to-dot without any knowledge of numbers soon linked up into creating a clear picture – not the best analogy but you get my drift.

After the session, and being booked in for another in 2 weeks’ time, I could only describe the scenario as very sobering. Things that I have never discussed with the closest of friends and family, due to either lack of trust or fear of judgement, were freely discussed in a 35-minute discussion. I felt like I basically gave up my whole personality to assessment in such a short time, which is what felt weird. It is undeniable that she made me feel better about certain things. She confirmed that parts of my life, past and present, were not how they should be, and that I wasn’t wrong or troubled for feeling a certain way. But just the concept of someone knowing everything about me is kind of terrifying.

I think it is definitely very easy to disregard counselling, turn to medication or ignore a problem and allow it to continue to be detrimental to your wellbeing. Medication was not effective for me and letting something gnaw away very quickly became too much. I know of friends who are scared to speak to someone, maybe the fears of trust and judgement that I mentioned fuels this for others too, but it’s just not the case. I already feel like I will make real progress here. I would recommend counselling to anyone who needs to talk openly about what’s going on in their mind.

If you or somebody you know is struggling with mental health at University, check out the Student Minds page on finding support for further information here.

Hi, I'm Ella. I'm currently in my third year at the University of York where I am studying English Literature and Philosophy. In my first year, I was diagnosed with Atypical Depression and have made it a personal mission ever since to encourage discussion and raise awareness around the subject - leading to my desire to write for Student Minds!

Emma writes about how being a Fresher isn't necessarily carefree and the best time of your life, and reassures readers that if you're struggling to settle into uni, you won't be the only one who feels this way.

- Emma Wilson

Insecurity.

Low self-esteem.

Perceived rejection.

These are the feelings that are seemingly hidden behind the mask of Fresher’s fever.

University can be the best time of your life. It is a chance to make long-lasting friendships, learn from professors who are experts in their subject area, and experience the big wide world outside of the family home.

But there is another side to starting university, one that isn’t glamourised in the news or spoken about during sixth-form. And that is dealing with the emotions, thoughts and feelings that arise when dealing with a new environment. This is most apparent in the first few weeks of university, when social events take place and friendships are being formed.

Amidst the haze and whirlwind of Fresher’s week and your first few months at university, it may get to the point where you start to wonder: am I fitting in? Why are those girls hanging out but haven’t invited me? Why do I feel lonely when last night I felt on top of the world? I didn’t go to clubbing last night, will I now be an outsider? Have I missed out?

Let me tell you this. How you feel is how most people feel when starting university. Seriously. It is only in hindsight and having spoken to university friends that I have learned just how terrified everyone feels during those first few weeks or months. It is amazing what persona people can put on during the quest for acceptance amongst one’s peers.

It is also important to gain some perspective about meeting new people. If you're lucky, you'll get on with your new flatmate as soon as you realise your mutual love for the Great British Bake Off. But more often than not, it can take a while to find a group of people that match your interests.

It is important to remember this: friendships don’t form overnight – not those which will stand the test of time. These strong bonds develop over months or years. Just think about the friends you have from back home. Those who mean the most won’t leave your life. In fact, going to university or moving away is a real test of any friendship. Having graduated from university in 2013, I can see this now. I ended up becoming good friends with people from outside of my course; those I hadn’t even met until the second term, or even the second year of university. People come and go in our lives. It’s important to be surrounded by people who inspire you, who drive you forward – who make you feel good about who you are.

My final piece of advice is this: enjoy the start of your university adventure. It is an experience like no other. But try to remember who you are. It’s good to step outside your comfort zone, but don’t go beyond your limits – respect yourself, and others will respect you. Don’t worry about being called the “boring one” for not taking 10 shots of tequila. And don’t feel like you don’t deserve to join your flatmates on a trip to Nando’s just because you never received that text message – it’s nothing personal, things just get a little hectic. And if these doubts start to creep into your mind, don’t fret. Chances are, most people are feeling the same.

If you are finding the start of university tough, we have more information about tips for settling in, missing home, and ways of looking after yourself on the Student Minds website here and information about finding support here.

Hi everyone, I'm Emma. I graduated from King's College London in 2013 and completed an MSc in 2016. I struggled with different mental and physical health problems whilst at university and am keen to share some of the things that did, and didn't, help in my recovery. I now write, train and consult in the field of mental health and you can find me on Twitter (@MindfulEm).

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