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Always Be Your Biggest Inspiration

in: Advice Anxiety Depression Graduation Leaving Uni

Tazmin gives advice on how to define, and follow through with, your goals at uni.

- Tazmin Pye

A couple of mornings ago, I woke up for work and got ready. Whilst sat in the car, about to be on my way, I noticed a Facebook notification pop up saying ‘you have memories’, so I had a look and realised that three years ago I started university.

Now, having finished, I have really been missing university and the lifestyle it offers, especially after entering the adult world. I wasn’t quite ready to leave, but I don’t think many of us were.
It caused me to feel incredibly nostalgic about who I was at the time, what I’ve been through, and the ups and downs I experienced at university.

I found it so interesting that someone who misses university greatly, who speaks so highly of their experience there, was absolutely determined to leave while there. My depression and anxiety really took their toll on me, to the point where the only thing I thought was going to help would be dropping out. How glad I am that I didn’t.

Why did I want to leave?

I felt depressed. I felt low. I felt vulnerable and lonely. I struggled with social situations. I thought it wasn’t for me.

Why didn’t I leave? What stopped me from going?

Myself.

I found a letter that I wrote to myself when I was starting therapy back home in Birmingham. I remembered how much worse off I was emotionally. I remembered how I decided to use my anxiety and depression to motivate me, rather than cause me to hide away. In that letter, I told myself that I would get through the pain I was in at the time, I would get into a university of my choosing to study film production, and that I would be great at it.

I sat back and realised ‘Wait, I’m here right now. I’ve achieved everything I wanted to at the time of writing that letter. Now let’s create new achievements. New goals. New aspirations. Write myself a new letter, a new promise to myself’.

They were:

Try and enjoy the course I worked so hard to get onto. Enjoy it first, worry about it second.
Don’t fear people, but understand that your lifelong friends are out there somewhere and you need to go find them.
Have love for yourself. Go and find yourself and enjoy how different every day can be. Enjoy your growth, change and evolution as a person.
Do not fear happiness, for it is your birthright.

And so I didn’t drop out. I took the wisdom I wrote to myself when I was in a lot more pain, and I powered through. I got a First in my degree. I met some incredible people who have impacted my life wonderfully. I did it!

It is so important to not listen to the bad things your mental illness may tell you, and to listen to your heart. Nothing should ever stop you from being what you want to be. In my case, all I wanted to be at university was happy.

Perhaps if you have just started university, sit down and write a letter to yourself. Set a date to open it, or put it away and wait for it to come back and find you. You can be your biggest inspiration. See how much you grow.

Remember – happiness is our birthright.

Hey guys, it’s Tazmin. My journey suffering with severe depression and anxiety has been a difficult one; but I would not be who I am today had I not accepted my illness and worked to get better. I have just graduated from Sheffield Hallam University with a First in Film and Media Production, something which I thought I'd never do. I’ve had my blog Awareness for two years and it has been so rewarding for me; I want my writing to help, inspire and touch people. I now wish to support and encourage anyone who is suffering through university with this blog. Happy reading!

awarenessbytazmin.wordpress.com

Post-University Depression

in: Anxiety Depression Graduation Leaving Uni mental health student

"Almost nothing can prepare you for the change from university to the real world. Post-university depression is a real thing and it is time we start talking about it."

Tazmin

Let’s talk about something that a lot of people will be feeling right now, but what some people may not take seriously – post-university depression.

I remember my first year of university in a seminar where we watched a few scenes from ‘The Graduate’. I then went onto watch the whole film myself and since finishing university, I relate to and understand this film on a whole new level. There is no denying that university can cause an increase in poor mental health however, leaving university is no exception to this. It just spins the web further into ‘What an earth is going on?’ ‘Where am I?’ ‘Who am I?’ and I guess it gets to a point where we just need to laugh it off and power through.

University can be the best years of our young adult life. We are independent, but not. We are getting ‘free-ish’ money, an interest free overdraft, we’re probably drunk all the time and we make new friends every day. We are on an adventure of self-discovery but we are human and a lot of us do not truly realise the greatness of what we have until it’s gone.

Us post student-adults need some kind of halfway house equivalent that’s not our parents’ house, to help us get our heads together on this absolute nonsense known as ‘the real world’. It’s all the same; we all cry about having no money, struggle to find a job of some kind and then probably go travelling.

I’ve got to say to you adult-adults, there’s a lot of pressure on us student-adults to wake up and be adults and I’ve got to tell you, that’s not how the cookie crumbles. We are 22 and most of us haven’t the foggiest of what to do and how to do it. I was surer of myself before I started university than after I came out of it. The pressure that we can feel can make the journey of self-discovery incredibly unbearable. We’re not terrible people, we’re not lazy, we’re just a little bit lost and that needs to be seen as okay.

I’m not going to lie, there are some people who just have their act together. Before they have even finished university they’ve sorted a job, a house and a little money but this doesn’t mean they still don’t feel a little bit dazed and blinded by the real world.

I would say that the post-university blues make you feel as though you have gone back. At university it feels as though you are getting some kind of independence; you’re finding out who you are, what you like, what you don’t and the kind of person you want to become. But then you may go back home and realise this just is not who you are anymore and you may be constantly pressured to just become an adult and have everything together.

But adulthood and maturity comes with experience and a lot of mistakes.

There are 40 year olds who don’t have a clue what they want to do with their lives, and that is ok, so it should be the same for us post-university students.

As someone who had a teary breakdown this morning to their sister, don’t let the pressure of the real world determine what you think you should do. Take a deep breath. Take your time. Because no matter who is advising you what to do, no matter what identity turmoil you may be in, it is your life. Remember that. You’re the one who’s going to have to live it. So do what you think is right.
Don’t rush yourself. The university chapter of your life may have ended. You’re just adjusting to the change.

None of us knew what to expect in the real world, but let me tell you a secret, no one ever does; even the most ‘adulty-adults’ don’t really have a clue. The world is different every day. No matter how old you are, no matter what you’ve seen or done, we’re all just trying to find out who we are and what we want.

Don’t fear the unknown. Try and enjoy it. The world is at your feet.

Calling All Graduates: The Best is Yet to Come

in: Advice Counselling Graduation

Beth is a 23 year old Psychology graduate and Trainee Counsellor. She currently runs her own mental health blog over at www.memyselfnmentalhealth.wordpress.com

- Beth

I’d like to share with you a post that I sure would of loved to have read back when I finished my undergraduate degree. It’s for all graduates (or soon to be) that have hit that brick wall, been rejected or are panicking about that big old question: what now?

So, I guess starting at the beginning would be a good idea; firstly, I did an undergraduate degree in Psychology. We covered a LOT in those three years; we even had an option of doing a placement year halfway through. I actually didn’t do this for various reasons, which now, in hindsight, could’ve been more helpful than I ever imagined…

I left university after the third year (which was incredibly difficult all round) and moved back home with a 2:1, having the pictures in my cap and gown to prove it. I remember feeling happy to be home and hopeful for all those potential jobs coming my way. However, quite the opposite ended up happening.

It may not be the case for everyone, but I think a lot of graduates do struggle to get into employment. Sometimes people land a great job but equally, some graduates end up going into a job completely unrelated to their degree or in other instances, no job for months.

From my own personal experience, I was one of those people who did manage to get a job but not one I could use my degree I’d worked so hard for. Although this first job was of interest to me, it just wasn’t what I’d always seen myself doing. I left after just over half a year to fully commit to finding that “dream psychology job”. I was so determined, hopeful and enthusiastic I would find it, I spent pretty much every day searching and applying online. It was a huge reality check for me; I was so sure I was going to find something straight away but I was constantly met with rejection or, even more disheartening, no response at all.

I will admit it was difficult. It left me feeling like nothing good was going to come my way. I felt at a dead end, I just couldn’t get to where I wanted to be no matter how hard I tried. I was miserable and was beginning to lose hope.

BUT…

After months of feeling down, frustrated and worried that I was never going to get to where I wanted to be, I noticed that a university counselling course near where I lived had introduced some more places. I applied and the rest all happened very fast! Before I knew it, I had been offered a place and was sitting in the lecture room on my first day of the course suddenly with new hope and excitement for what lay ahead.

My point is, so much can change. This time last year, I wasn’t in a “dream psychology job” where I was using my degree; I couldn’t see a future in one anytime soon and I was facing bucket loads of rejection. Now I’ve completed a counselling course, have secured a placement in a counselling service with my own caseload of clients and have refreshed hope for the future.

When it feels like you’re at a dead end, I really believe that it can and it will get better. I’m living proof of that. We can feel defeated but this can change in ways we just don’t expect when we least expect it.

So, my name is Beth. I am a 23-year-old Psychology Graduate and Trainee Counsellor who struggles themselves with their own mental health difficulties. What many people don’t know about me is that I have OCD, anxiety and have previously had depression. Last year, I started up my own blog to share my experiences in the hope that people no longer feel that they are alone. You can check it out at www.memyselfnmentalhealth.wordpress.com

Post-University Blues

in: Graduation

With graduation fast approaching, Tess writes about the limbo you might find yourself in once university life is complete

- Tess Schiller

This summer I graduated after three fantastic years at the University of Warwick. I met a load of wonderful people, took on challenges and came out with fantastic memories and a good degree to match. Then suddenly it was all over - and I was left with very little idea as to what my next steps might be. As with so many other graduates, my only option was to move back to my childhood home until I found my feet.

I went to a school where every single person was destined for uni and therefore every year, there was a mass exodus from Norwich, leaving a few gap year students behind. But this post-graduation period is an entirely different story. There’s no common ‘next step’ laid out for all of us. Everyone is finding their feet and going about it very much in our own ways. Varying experiences mean that suddenly we’re not in sync in a way that we once were.

I miss university a huge amount and there’s no sugarcoating it. Moving back home, you feel like you’ve regressed. I made such progress during my time at university, and returning to the way you once were often feels like you’re losing a part of yourself. But it’s also tough for people around you. They’ve got their own rhythm and suddenly you’re back, mourning over how you miss a rubbish SU night out with a terrible DJ who plays all the same tracks every week. How do you say ‘I miss that place’ without sounding like you’re implying that you hate where you are?

There’s nothing I can do about graduating or having to find a job or even facing the realities of living so far away from friends who used to be 10 minutes down the road. Those are all realities of life. But when my mum searched for more information about post-university depression she found just two articles on the subject. When I compare this to the countless number of friends who’ve expressed their struggles with leaving university, it seems bizarre that this isn’t better researched. Warwick have been more than happy to check up when it comes to employment, but I don’t really know of any university that has a clear support system for graduates.

Just because it’s something that we’re all going through doesn’t mean there’s nothing that can be done about that feeling. It doesn’t mean we have to ignore it or, in the most British way possible, joke about it over a beer on those scarce reunions with old pals. My coping methods have been going back into therapy and finding new hobbies and motivations. It’s also been about actively maintaining relationships so that I still have my support system even if they’re now a phone call rather than a short walk away.

It’s different for everyone but it shouldn’t be ignored. Applying for jobs and trying to find your feet can sometimes feel impossible when you’re reeling from a loss that you didn’t even expect.

The amazing thing about university is that it can be a time to learn how to deal with your mental illness. Charities like student minds can equip you with the tools you need to do that, and getting a hold of both short term and longer term coping mechanisms can make the post-graduation transition far less bumpy.

Despite still feeling lost and clueless there have been some really amazing things that have happened to me over these past few months - like moving out of my childhood home and into a flat with my boyfriend. Creating something of my own has brought a level of stability to my life and made me feel settled and motivated again. Yes there's uncertainty - but I'm looking forward to what the future has in store for me.

Rejection - A not-so dirty word

in: Graduation

Joanne writes about her experience of searching for graduate jobs, and the effect it can have on your mental health.

- Joanne Sarginson

It’s often said that Generation Y millennials view themselves as special – valiant heroes of this difficult world. Maybe this is true, because I, like many heroes, have a sidekick. My sidekick possesses several qualities displayed by good sidekicks. He is persistent and loyal like Robin. Like Chewbacca, he is almost always by my side. Like John Watson, he makes me think about how I can perform better. But he also makes me doubt my abilities. He makes me sad. His vision of my future differs from mine. My sidekick’s name is rejection.

Mine and rejection’s relationship is like that of Shrek and Donkey’s - it has a knack of leaving me stranded in a swamp of person specifications and application forms. But rejection will never break through my ‘onion’ layers and worm its way into my heart. If anything, hanging out with rejection is building up those layers. Thanks to rejection, I’m developing an increasingly thick skin.

Everywhere you look, there are graduates working their way towards promotion by developing client-tailored marketing strategies and perfecting the exact milk: water: sugar ratio of their manager’s ideal cup of tea. But when you’re yet to establish yourself on the career ladder, this can be a difficult concept to get your head round. So I’ve developed three ways to protect my self-esteem after rejection makes its unwelcome appearance.

1. Try Not To Personalise Rejection

In the current graduate job market, receiving a rejection is not because you’re incapable, but more due to lots of other equally capable applicants and, ultimately, one person who is slightly more capable than the rest. Just because you’ve not been successful doesn’t mean you’re not valuable. Learn from the experience and take it forward with you - soon you’ll be that stand-out candidate.

2. Look at Failure In Terms of Success

Whilst getting rejected at the interview stage might initially seem like a failure, it’s not. If this was one of your first interviews on your job hunt, remember that walking into an unfamiliar and intimidating situation takes bravery and doing so is a personal success in itself. If this is the next in a long line of rejections, consider how resilient you’ve been to continue applying. Rework your thought processes so that you don’t see rejection as a result of things that went wrong - think instead about things that went well. Consider where you could have improved; even email your interviewer to ask for feedback.

3. Realise That You Are So Much More Than ‘An Unemployed Graduate’

In the Social Media age, we’re constantly exposed to the successes of others, which can have the effect of belittling our own achievements. A CV is essentially a list of accomplishments and receiving a rejection can sometimes feel like an ignorance of these achievements. When writing a CV, we filter our achievements, including only those important to the employer. Try writing a personal CV of achievements that are important to you - include things as big as gaining a degree or seemingly small as carrying a spider outside. Take time to reflect on your list and realise how strong you’ve been to overcome the challenges you’ve faced.

4. And finally, always remember: your value as a person doesn’t revolve around your status on the career ladder.

Joanne also includes some great tips and advice on coping positively with postgraduate life on her own personal blog.

Looking Back in Retrospect: Advice for Students in their Final Year

in: Graduation Leaving Uni

Grace Anderson and Lottie Naughton spoke to some graduating students for their advice on handling the last year of their degrees.

Hindsight is a beautiful thing, so take some tips from those about to leave hoping that somebody starting their final year can learn from these triumphs and mistakes!

Lottie Naughton (Psychology, 4th Year): My final year is marking the end to one of the biggest chapters in my life so far. Naturally, I am absolutely terrified of moving on into the big wide world! Narrowing down “do’s” and “dont’s” is hard but here are two that are important to me!

DO! Get involved - taking advantage of all your university has to offer is important for when you leave. You need to show potential employers you’ve been working your butt off! I suggest putting yourself forward for committee roles in societies, starting a blog or contributing to one, working for the university in student based jobs or even just doing some volunteering for local charities. Your student union will have tonnes of information, so take advantage!
DON’T! Neglect your well-being - your intellect will be challenged in your final year. Your final year project will push your abilities to the limits and managing that piece of work alongside essays and exams will mean your time management will be tested. Making sure you are able to spend some time alone engaging in some self-care is a good way to keep yourself focused and happy. Schedule it in and delight in the time with yourself!

Grace Anderson (Psychology, 4th Year):
Change! Fear is one word that comes straight to mind when I think about leaving university this year. Excitement is also another. However, I would like my experience of being in final year to benefit other students who have this chapter of their lives to come.

DO make the effort to make friends - personally it was hard coming back from placement; most of my uni friends had graduated. You may ask what’s the point in making friends, there is only a year left? Friends make a university experience so join a new society and speak to new people on your course - seriously final year is not too late to make friends.

DON'T feel like you need to do work 24/7 - your final year is a big year and you will have LOADS of work on but this doesn't mean you have to do it constantly, get organised - make a timetable and factor in fun things like an evening with your friends or a good book and a hot chocolate.

Saira Wood (MPsych Graduate Student):
Final year is where all your hard work pays off! The feeling after that last exam or dissertation submission is like nothing else, so you'll want to know you've done your absolute best for when those results come through the letterbox!

DO Think ahead - start thinking about what you want to do after you graduate, and tailor your project to help you achieve that. Start networking, using sites like Linkedin, to get your name out there.
DON'T panic - realisation will kick in and you’ll start feeling a bit panicky, but don’t. This is the best time of your life, honest(!), and you’ll only ever regret the effort you didn’t put in, so chill out, take some time to yourself, and then hit the books again when you’re feeling better.

Kerry Walke (Cruise Management, 4th Year): You’ve spent the last few years growing up and now you're leaving the safe purgatory zone that is university to explore the mysterious adult world! Everyone tells you “university was the best time of my life” or “I found my one true love/one true BFF/one true calling at university” but don’t let that turn into some sort of pressure.

DO get the most out of being young - you aren’t weighed down with massive responsibilities, make time to experience the world (do a season in Zante, teach English abroad, lifeguard in Cornwall, or volunteer at a local charity). The less pressure you put on yourself after university, the more fulfilled you will feel in the long run!

DON’T feel as though you have to do something specifically related to your degree after you graduate - degrees are an open pathway to so many areas of employment you probably haven’t even thought about. My lecturer told me “A degree can be stepping stone into anything you wish”, so with that in mind, find something you really want to do and use your degree as a starting point.

Heather Guerin (Psychology, 4th Year): Being in your final year can be hectic and stressful but there's a lot you can do to make things easy for yourself.

DO try and enjoy your final year as much as possible and believe in yourself and your ability to nail this final year, because if we can do it... So can you. Cheesy but true!
DON'T be too scared to ask for help, everyone gets stuck or needs advice at some point. You’re paying for it so you may as well take all the help you can get.

Eleanor Perrett (Psychology, 4th Year): Having experienced mental health issues whilst at university I think there are definitely things that you should and shouldn't do to help kick off uni in the best way and although my list of do's and don’t’s could go on forever here is just one of each!

DO join as many clubs and societies as possible, especially sports clubs! The more people you meet the better and you'll stand a much better chance of finding at least one person who does make you smile! People in societies and sports clubs can become like your family, because you're a team! TRY NEW THINGS, HAVE FUN!

DON'T feel like you're alone. I promise you, uni is scary and overwhelming for EVERYONE! Open up to someone you trust about how you’re feeling! If it's not a flatmate/friend then open up to your tutor or the university counsellors. They are there to make the transition into final year easier!

Libby Rackham (Psychology Graduate): I'm the sort of person who says yes to everything and I like to think that I can do it all. When it came to my final year, balancing all of my responsibilities started to get on top of me. These are my two top tops to stop everything from getting to you:

DO go outside: I joined a running club in my final year and would also go out with my housemates for early runs and walks. It seems like going outside and spending time on something not dissertation/exam related is counterproductive but the fresh air clears your head.
DON'T try to control everything: I learnt that you can still get everything you want done, just maybe not in the way that you initially planned. While this can make you panic a bit at first, just go with the flow and it all sorts itself out eventually. You're only human after all!

Beth Colquhoun (Psychology Graduate): Having graduated last year, hindsight rears its persistent head on a daily basis and reminds me of all the behaviors I could have honed just that little bit better in those final months.

DO maintain interests which don't encompass aspects of your degree - flailing my limbs around widely in aerobics classes provided a welcome break for my mind and prevented me from spending months on end hibernating amongst mind maps and revision cards.
DON'T wish time away - when the workload starts to pile up, you may find yourself drifting into a permanent daydream about a long filled daiquiri fueled holiday as soon as exams are over. Just remember that this final push can make all the different to your future, and you'll spend the following months wishing you had slowed down and appreciated the journey, as backbreaking as it seemed at the time!