Mental Health over Christmas: Hope Virgo

Hope Virgo, as part of our Mental Health Over the Holidays blogging series, encourages us to slow down over this winter holiday period. 

-Hope Virgo

Although Christmas time can be a lot of fun, it can also be an incredibly tough time of the year too. Therefore, we want to bring this to light and ensure nobody feels alone.

What do you enjoy most about the winter holiday period?

The holiday period allows me to switch off and rest. This is something I really struggle with most of the year when I dash from place to place, pushing myself further and further to the edge. But Christmas gives me time to restock and recharge my batteries. What is great about Christmas is that I don’t get the normal guilt I feel when I slow down as I know everyone else is doing the same. I absolutely love allowing myself to relax. Giving myself lazy mornings in bed, time laying on the sofa and the slower pace of life.

What do you find most difficult during the holidays?

The food - although this has been much less of a problem over the years and I feel more able to relax around it. But there is still some general anxiety. ‘Will I eat too much?’ ‘Will I have enough?’ 

All these questions flood through my brain and I have to use techniques I learnt when I was in treatment to calm my mind. The thing that I have found really helps is to talk. I will tell those who I am with for Christmas if it is getting to be too much for me. The other thing I do is reassure myself that I don’t have to eat all the food that is there. Yes, when there is so much food around it panics me, but no one is making me eat it all and I can now trust myself to have the right amount.

Anorexia shouldn’t ruin my Christmas anymore!

Taking some time out from all the festivities to look after yourself can be really helpful. What do you do to help your mental health during the holidays?

On Christmas day I always make sure that I go for a walk on my own just for 30 minutes or so to get out and about. It gives me time to reflect on the day and to think about how far I have come in my recovery. For me it is really important to have that little bit of me time. 

What present would you give yourself over the holidays?

Shellac – this is one of my favourite self-care activities. A pricey but good treat. For me, when I am struggling with my mental health the first things I stop doing are washing my hair and painting my nails etc. As I find Christmas stressful sometimes it is important to put me first and give myself an incentive to take care of myself.

Reflecting on last year:

Something that hit me last year at Christmas was the support on social media that I receive. It was the evening of Christmas Day when I posted a tweet:

“Congrats to all who have had/ have an ‪#eatingdisorder‬ for surviving Xmas! if you are stressing tomorrow ‪@beatED‬ helpline is open from 4-8PM”

I was congratulating the 725,000 in the UK with eating disorders, and the millions of people around the world who were fighting their own mental health issues. I was amazed at the responses I got, and I felt blessed that there were so many people uniting across the world. Millions of strangers standing together to fight the stigma of mental health issues and supporting everyone who might be struggling. I know that social media can be dangerous at times and that people can use it in the wrong way. But posting that tweet reminded me of the amazing support I get on twitter from some incredible people.

I feel confident that this Christmas I can relax that little bit more, get that little bit less anxious about the food. Each year is a step further forward to beating anorexia and not letting it ruin Christmas.  If you are struggling I wish you the best of luck this Christmas and remember to take care and treat yourself!


If you would like to get involved in our Christmas blogging series, you can find all of the details here.

Hope Virgo suffered with anorexia for over four years before being admitted to hospital in 2007. She lived in the hospital for a year, fighting one of the hardest battles of her life. Since being discharged, she has fought to stay well. Hope Virgo Hope recently published her book; Stand Tall Little Girl.  She now wants to use her experiences of mental illness to champion the rights of others, inspire them to get well, and to help break the stigma of mental health difficulties. You can see what she is up to here.

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Assumptions and Acceptance

Using her own experience Rachael shows how a bad start to university doesn't have to put you off university education. 

-Rachael Johnston

My welcome to higher education wasn't all that great to begin with. I was studying a counselling degree with the hope to work in early intervention programs for children who were struggling emotionally.  I was honest about having Anorexia & Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), however, when it came to placement year I was pulled into a room and was told I would be a danger to myself and others!

The tutors had googled BPD and basically just read the bad stuff related to it. I was heartbroken, especially with it coming from my tutors who were counsellors. I'd worked so hard and was fully aware I would need to be conscious of my own state of mind during the placement and in the profession.

While this was happening, I had given a talk about my journey to a group of university students on a Childhood & Youth Professional Studies course. I explained the situation I was in and explained the direction I wanted to head in. There and then the lecturer told me about their course and the help on offer through disability support.

Within 2 weeks student finance had been sorted and my disabled student allowance (DSA). Right from the start, the support I recieved was amazing. I had an independent learning plan which was sent to my tutors and I had a copy. It explained all my needs and any behaviours to watch out for (which I had agreed to) - that I may just leave the lecture as often I just need to walk round to get myself back focused.

There was no pressure to read my marks straight away from assignments and if I was struggling it was okay. There was no judgement. Even today as I enter my final year, it's still the same.

The other year I received a phone call from the course lead as I'd taken an overdose just after we broke up for summer - there was no judgement and no well "uni isn't for you" which I had had in the past.

My support plan is followed to the letter (as it should be) and although I've had a couple of extensions for my assignments due to declines in my health, it's never been an issue.

My greatest support for my uni support is my mentor, who is funded through my DSA. I've built up a trusting relationship with her and she keeps everyone updated, with my permission. I struggle with going into the library to get books so she's worked with me to build up the courage to do it. I honestly wonder if I would have carried on with my course at times if it wasn't for the fact I have her to rant and ramble to, she goes above and beyond and I really appreciate it.

I recently had a matter around student finance and phoned/emailed my lead tutor in a panic, she helped to resolve the matter and calmed me down, she knew the matter would be sorted but didn’t discredit my racing thoughts and feelings, as she knew this would just make my BPD spiral.

University is often a bumpy journey. I've had to adjust to new situations and overcome darker days. I feel very humbled that I have joined a university that has accepted and encouraged me, and one that has taken the time to understand that my mental health is only a small part of the 26 year old that is looking forward to graduating in 2018.

Feeling low? Find local support at your university, here. Find further information, support and advice on the Student Minds website.




Hi, I'm Rachael. I'm currently studying Childhood and Youth Professional Studies at the University of Chester and wanted to write for Student Minds as I have Anorexia and Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to show that having mental health issues doesn't have to stop you from studying.

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What You Don't See

'This blog is about educating people on anorexia and how by looking at someone, you cannot know what they are going through inside.'

                                                                                                            - Claire McKenna

In my blogs, I have talked about how people’s comments can be so dangerous for those suffering with eating disorders and other forms of mental health difficulties.

The most distressing comments I endure that have the biggest effect on me is on the lines of ‘you don’t look like you have anorexia’, ‘you’d never think by looking at you… you eat enough though don’t you…?”

Yes. You may have seen me eat and it may not have been just a plate of lettuce leaves. You might look at me and be aware that I don’t look malnourished or emaciated anymore.

But, you don’t see the constant battle inside that is happening every day of my life.

You don’t see the struggle and anxiety I feel before facing a meal and how much my head is telling me not to eat it.

You don’t see my terrified thoughts and how daunted I am to put that food near my mouth.

You can’t see anorexia screaming so loudly at me to not eat, telling me I am fat and this next meal is going to make me even bigger and how everyone thinks I am greedy.

You don’t see me after meals hating myself for what I’ve just put inside me, or trying to fight the urge to get rid of it and feel ‘empty’ again.

You don’t see me standing in front of the mirror, hardly able to open my eyes because I’m so mortified, distressed and repulsed by what stands in front of me!
You can’t see how alone and inadequate I feel or my desperation to get rid of the excess fat from every part of my body.

You don’t see me when I feel obese and can’t allow myself to sit down because I know you burn more calories standing rather than sitting or lying down.

This is because anorexia is a MENTAL illness not a physical illness, just like you can’t tell by looking at someone if they have depression, PTSD, OCD, Bipolar etc.

Being told you don’t look like you have an eating disorder just sends the message that one needs to do more to lose weight or that they are ‘not ill enough’ to have an eating disorder or receive treatment/support.

Each time I hear the words ‘you don’t look anorexic’, my instinct is to plan how from that moment on what meals I will skip, how much extra exercise I should do. I can’t put my finger on why it does this, but it just does. That one comment can put a halt in my recovery and send me backwards, upsetting all the hard work I’ve done to get where I am now. This is because eating disorders are fatal mind games.

Therefore, it is so important that people are aware of how comments can create distress and trigger individuals. The only way people will understand this is by being educated on the matter, in which I have created this blog.

Hi, I'm Claire. I have recently just graduated with a first class honours in BA Education at the University of Birmingham. I currently write my own blog to try and raise awareness of mental health and remove the unhelpful stigmas that are often attached. I wanted to share some of these blogs and write for Student Minds as I have been suffering with Anorexia and depression for over 8 years.

If you're struggling with an eating disorder, there is help and support out there. Visit the Student Minds support page where you can find more information and places to go for help.

Visit support page here. 

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From Perfectionism to Positivity

Katherine writes about how striving for perfection affects her mental health, and how being open about her experiences has helped her to think more positively about the future.

- Katherine Wood

During my first year at university, I experienced severe weight loss due to anorexia. Fortunately, I recovered, and for the last three years my weight has remained relatively stable. I am now able to sustain high levels of training as a competitive endurance athlete.

  

While I no longer consider myself to have an eating disorder, I now experience depression with anxiety despite, on the face of it, being a very successful 21-year-old. I am high-achieving academically; I have a supportive boyfriend and a caring family; I am in the top handful of endurance runners in the UK for my age and distance; and anything I put my mind to, I excel at.

But these seemingly positive things are major driving forces for my mental health problems. I am a perfectionist, pushing myself hard and only accepting being the best at everything. While this could be perceived as a good thing, it means I can never be truly satisfied with my achievements because either I only attain what I expected, or I don’t do as well as I believe I should. 

Furthermore, my social anxiety has become progressively worse, meaning that my automatic answer to social invitations is always “no”. This often leaves me feeling lonely and isolated. I feel ashamed of the excuses I make to avoid social occasions or anything that might put me out of my comfort zone. I feel the need to be in control, so when anything outside of my power occurs I find it very hard to deal with, leading to feelings of panic. 

Ironically, while I want to be in complete control, the reality is that sometimes I’m not in control at all. I do everything to excess and lack the self-confidence to accept that I’ve done enough. Running a marathon doesn’t daunt me, but going to the pub with a group of people does. Every “fresh start” I’ve promised to make, whether that be at the transition from school to university, or simply a decision to challenge my restrictive behaviour in some way, has seemed to end in disappointment. So perhaps I ought to modify my original statement – I am a very successful 21-year-old in all things except for being kind to myself.

Being open helps

One thing which has made a huge positive difference is opening up to others about my situation. My tutor knows about my mental health difficulties and has been extremely supportive, guiding me through applying for alternative examination arrangements to make exams easier to cope with, working with the catering team to help me through my eating disorder, and generally being someone to talk to. For the first time, this academic year, I registered myself as having a disability with the university disability services. Through this, I have received a lot of advice and support, such as “check in” emails to make sure I am alright, and workshops to manage stress and depression. This has encouraged me to acknowledge my disability in my PhD application, ensuring that by the time I start there will be a support network in place. Over time, I have realised that I won’t be penalised for having a disability which isn’t necessarily visible. Being open about such matters can only help by ensuring that there are measures and people ready to help to guide me through the darkest times. I know recovery is a long process, that I won’t just wake up one day with the depression gone, but I also know that it is possible. I used to mourn the happy-go-lucky, smiley girl I was as a child, but now I know that she is still somewhere inside me, and maybe over time, with the right treatment, she will return. 

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The pressure of first year having to be the “best” year of your life

Hope shares her top tips on how to battle your first year of University alongside recovering from an eating disorder.

                                                                                                                                  -Hope

When you hear about fresher’s week and the whole university experience it is named as the best years of your life. The pressure is on. You have to have an amazing time. Drink lots. Go out all the time. Make friends and look amazing 24/7… the list is endless but in reality is this the case? And what is it like if you have a mental health problem at university? Does that make you different?

I spent my last year at school living in an adolescent mental health hospital. That was not how I, as an 18-year-old sociable girl wanted to spend my life. I missed out on holidays, legal nights out with not having to sneak in to clubs and the upper sixth form experience. I got discharged a week before University term began having done my exams in hospital. I knew not everyone was happy with me heading straight to University but I knew I had to. One of my motivations to get well was to go to University. My anorexia had already caused me to miss out on so much so I didn’t want to miss out on anything else.

I was terrified about getting unwell again and maybe that fear is what kept me well. I knew I didn’t want to have to drop out of University so I kept fighting. I fought through those days when I wanted to give up, I found strength in surrounding myself with friends and I stayed strong. That might seem terrifying to you but it is so worth it. It wasn’t an easy ride that first year. There was the usual university pressure but add to that nights of feeling huge, the unpredictable meals out and the drinking. But I did it and I am so pleased that I did. I wanted to share with you some advice that kept me going and kept me well whilst at University.

Don’t be embarrassed about having a mental health problem - If you get the offer of support use it – in my first year, I was offered the chance to attend an outpatients eating disorder clinic. I chose not to. I felt like it was too much effort and I didn’t like the lady very much but because I didn’t use it, it meant I relied a lot more on my friends and family to support me. This worked for me as I was lucky they were all there for me but if it is offered try it and see if it works for you.

Have people accountable to talk to – I was very lucky as in my first week or so I told Emily and Nikki (my two new friends at University.) They were great and it has been good talking to them both looking back. Recently Emily commented on how much better I seemed and how proud she was of me. It meant so much to me and made me realise how lucky I was to have her as a friend. She put up with my funny eating habits and my rigid eating times. And she was there when I needed that little extra support to get food.

Be honest with yourself even if you can’t be with others – this is so hard I know that. And I still at times find it hard to be honest with myself but you have to be. If you are having a bad time, struggling to eat, exercising too much - challenge yourself. Yes, at first, it is scary coming out of that comfort zone but it is well worth it.

Don’t be afraid to go back to a rigid eating plan – when I was in hospital we stuck to a strict eating plan. This kept me well, helped me put on weight at university. And this was what I fell back on when things got tough. It doesn’t mean you have failed if you start eating easier foods again it just means you are finding new ways to fight it.

Try and think logically – I have very low self-esteem and spent much of university feeling huge. I would look in the mirror and see a fat whale like figure staring back at me. But in reality this wasn’t me. And you need to try and keep yourself in check. Try and ignore the voices that knock you down. They aren’t speaking the truth and surround yourself with people that value you. If you stick with it, it gets better and easier. I have far less fat days now than I used to and if I had let those days take control of me it would definitely not have been worth it.

Stay strong and keep talking – this is essential and I urge you to do this. Life is so much better when you fight your mental health problems and don’t let it suck you back in. I know from my experience with anorexia this can be hard but it is definitely worth it. Without anorexia in my life I have more energy, can have normal relationships, I can eat out more, I am so much more relaxed and I haven’t got this battle going on in my head constantly. Yes, it isn’t always easy but it is worth it.

For more information on understanding eating disorders, click here.

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Recovering your Identity from Anorexia

After years of living with in the bubble of an eating disorder, Chloe lost sight of her life beyond the illness. Here, she reflects on the process of recovering her identity.... 

 - Chloe 

Only a few years ago, I was anorexia. 

My life revolved around food, exercise, calories and weight. Losing weight was the only goal I strived for and the one thing that made me 'happy'. I completely lost myself to the eating disorder. I was no longer the bubbly, happy, chatty and fun little girl I had been. I was no longer Chloe; I was anorexia. 

During this time, I spent less and less time at school due to my ill health. Consequently, I began to lose the few friends that had stuck by me. I'd always decline offers to go out, for fear that food might be involved. My bedroom was my comfort zone, where I would exercise in secret - it was a place that belonged to my eating disorder. 

When I was forced into recovery by doctors and nurses, I was terrified. I was scared of the food, weight gain and hospital walls around me. However, what I feared most was losing 'anorexia'; the illness had become so entangled with my identity, I didn't know who Chloe was anymore. As much as I hated being known as "the girl with the eating disorder", I convinced myself that this was better than having no personality at all. 

I hated myself for the worry I was causing my family, yet their concern about me made me feel loved and wanted - something which anorexia tried to tell me I was not. I needed support and I felt that losing my eating disorder would leave me with no help at all. I feared the misconception that physical progress is the same as mental progress; that, because I was gaining weight, I was completely fine. 

During my hospital admission, I felt more anxious than ever before; however, because  my weight was improving I didn't believe I could admit these  struggles. For so long, I convinced myself that anorexia was a safety blanket, which told the outside world I needed help. So what did I do? Despite all these fears and uncertainties, I powered on. I chose to trust in recovery.

It was the hardest fight I have ever faced, but I battled through the guilt and the tears and slowly but surely I returned to a healthy weight. Yet it was through my mental recovery, that my life became less about anorexia and more about Chloe. My thoughts around food, calories and weight were replaced with music, fashion and friends. 

I could concentrate again, I laughed and I remembered how to have fun! I was getting my personality back and I realised that there is so much more to life. My fear of losing my identity vanished as I returned to the former bubbly, happy and fun girl I used to be. 

Most importantly, I allowed myself to acknowledge my own bravery. Although a lot of people think eating is a completely natural thing to do, for me each bite was an achievement. As time went on I became stronger and and things became more manageable. 

Furthermore, when I reached my target weight I continued to receive the help I needed, to guide me on my way to health and happiness. Now, 5 years later, I can say that I am so glad I chose recovery!

For more information on understanding Eating Disorders, click here.

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The Release of Running

Rhiannon writes about the delicate balance between triggers and exercise, and knowing how to keep tabs on both.

- Rhiannon Long

Very often with a mental health disorder, we become aware of our ‘triggers’: things we know might make us feel vulnerable, lonely, or a little like we’re losing the control we had over our illness. When we learn what they are, it can become easier to avoid situations in which they might occur. 

What happens, though, when triggers aren’t quite as clear cut? This is a difficulty I encountered when it came to physical exercise. 

I love running. I love the release it gives me after a stressful day. I love the fresh air and I love the childlike joy of overtaking dog-walkers, cyclists, and even fellow runners. When I became ill, however, this once joyful hobby became dangerous. If anyone’s tried to run on an empty stomach, they’ll know how tough it is; imagining having run on a stomach that’s been empty for days. Instead of being something I looked forward to after a hard day at uni, it became another ritual, another strict rule to add to the list which I didn’t feel I could miss. And perhaps worst of all, it became another weight-loss technique. 

In all honesty, its success as a weight-loss technique was doubtful – but in my mind, I couldn’t afford to skip it. When it comes to disordered eating, these rules are often nonsensical and based on pure fiction. But to sufferers, that doesn’t make them any less worth adhering to. 

Whilst I’m fully and happily cemented in my recovery now, this is still an area where I have to proceed with caution. Although I can no longer run due to a back injury, I’m now a member of a gym. I regularly attend classes, work out with my flatmate, and, while it’s not the same, get my running release on the treadmill. 

Personal fitness is something lauded as generally positive; everyone is advised to take some form of regular exercise, and the benefits on your body, mind and sometimes even social life are well-known. But having what could potentially be a trigger to set me back down that dark path also come highly recommended by professionals can be tricky and downright confusing. 

Instead of treating it like a regular trigger and avoiding it altogether, I’ve found simple awareness to be the most successful technique. I’m not going to deprive myself of exercise, but I’m constantly keeping tabs on how often I do it, whether it encroaches on my life, whether it becomes a fixation, and, most importantly, on how it makes me feel. The minute I see signs of it being detrimental, rather than beneficial to my mind and body, I’ll know to cut back.

For now though, I’ll keep running, getting stronger, and going further. 

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Top tips for supporting a friend with an eating disorder

Chloe provides some top tips on how to be a supportive friend to someone going through the difficulties of an eating disorder.

- Chloe Murray

I have never had a friend going through an eating disorder. However, I have been that friend and I know what it’s like to have people worrying about you and trying to help. Here are some top tips for those of you with friends who are experiencing the difficulties of an eating disorder.

1. Make sure your friend knows that you're always there for them, no matter what.
They might not want to talk about their feelings but just knowing that you're supporting them is the best help there is!

2. Your friend might say things they don't mean.
They might distance themselves from you and not make an effort. In the depths of an eating disorder, nothing else matters other than getting thinner. Please be patient with them, it’s hard for them to be rational and to distinguish between their own thoughts and the thoughts of their eating disorder. 

3. Your friend might lie about what they have or haven't eaten which can be frustrating.
They are only following the strict rules of their eating disorder and at times, for them, it can seem like lying is the easiest option. You have to understand that this isn't your friend talking, this is their eating disorder, which makes them do or say things they don't want to.

4. Try not to threaten them into eating.
My friends always used to threaten to "tell the teachers" if I ever skipped lunch at school in an attempt to make me eat. This just pushed me further away from them, leaving me feeling alone and unloved. At the end of the day it is down the sufferer to get better and the first step for them is wanting recovery.

5. Keep persevering. Please keep inviting them out. It can be frustrating if an invitation always gets declined. Your friend may find social activities difficult, especially if they involve food. It can be hard for them to escape their "comfort zone" and venture out from a routine in which they feel safe in. Don't give up! Your friend will probably feel guilty and left out for missing out on any social events and will hope to be included in future. 

6. Don't treat them differently.
Your friend is not defined by their eating disorder. Although it may try to mask his/her former personality, they are still the same person they used to be. Recovering from an eating disorder is all about finding other things, other than losing weight that make you happy. You can help your friend realise all the other wonderful things in life that are worth fighting for!

7. Set a good example.
Try not to talk about weight/calories/food or exercise. It is easy for someone with an eating disorder to feel guilty. They often compare themselves to others and if they feel that eating more/exercising less than others that will cause excessive guilt and perhaps become jealous of you.

I'm sure it can be so hard to support a friend going through an eating disorder and I can assure you that it is so extremely difficult for them too. I was lucky enough to have a huge support network cheering me on in my recovery and it helps a great deal! I can honestly say, without my friends and family encouraging me and inspiring me daily, putting up with my tantrums and being patient with me, I'd still be consumed by anorexia. Recovery is possible, but it takes more than just the sufferer to fight!

For more information on how to find support, click here.

For more information on how to support a friend going through a metal health issue, click here.

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We all need a helping hand sometimes: Having trust and loyalty through recovery

Chloe writes about how she and her boyfriend overcame her past of anorexia as she entered recovery with his trust and loyalty.

- Chloe Murray

My boyfriend is the most amazing person in the world. He's kind, loyal, trustworthy and understanding. I know I can tell him anything and trust that he will give the best advice or reassurance. His name is Elliot, and he has helped me in so many ways, yet he doesn't even realise.

I opened up to Elliot about my past with anorexia shortly after we starting seeing each other. At the time, I was still struggling with eating and my feelings. I felt guilty after food and I exercised because I had to, not because I wanted to. I was healthy physically, but not mentally. I figured Elliot would see through my picky eating habits and guess something wasn't quite right, so I told him before he did. Like a lot of people do, I was worried he'd judge me because of it. I didn't want to grow any more attached to him, only for Elliot to find out that I was a recovering anorexic to be a huge deal breaker. I was protecting myself more than anything, despite finding it extremely difficult to talk about my past. It was the first time I had talked about my eating disorder, apart from during my hospital stays.

To my surprise, Elliot didn't bat an eyelid when he found out. To him, it wasn't a big deal, he loved me none the less and thankfully he didn't ask difficult questions either. He was just so very understanding, and it didn't change anything between us like I feared it would. He didn't judge me at all, but I could sense his support. He'd always make sure I was happy with what he was cooking, asked me how I was and held my hand when he saw that I was struggling.

Elliot made things easier. Overtime, I became more comfortable opening up to him. He could read me like a book. There'd be nights when I couldn't sleep because I felt guilty or fat, and he'd always say something to comfort me and make everything better. Sometimes, all I needed to know was that he was on my side and that he loved me, something that anorexia tried to convince me wasn't possible - making me feel as though I was "too fat to be loved". But overtime, I realised that Elliot really did love me, and he chose to, not like family who have to. That made a big difference in my recovery, as I began to learn to love myself and look after myself. I began to enjoy exercising again and my diet began to vary. I started enjoying meals out instead of panicking beforehand. I had more energy and I was happier! 

Having someone there for you is so extremely important - knowing you are loved and that you matter. We all need someone to turn to for help and guidance. I now believe that I am no long recovering from anorexia - I am recovered. I am no longer controlled by silly rituals, numbers, weights and boring routines. Through not just Elliot, but all my family and friends who have supported me, I can proudly say, I am free - I am no longer anorexia, I am just me!

For more support on understanding eating disorders, click here.

For more information on how to support a friend going through mental health issues, click here.

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